Sunday, December 30, 2007

Happy New Year

“New Year's eve is like every other night; there is no pause in the march of the universe, no breathless moment of silence among created things that the passage of another twelve months may be noted; and yet no man has quite the same thoughts this evening that come with the coming of darkness on other nights”

Happy New Year to everyone :)


Friday, December 28, 2007

Propi-how??? there is no such word! here goes some update about life and how it is. And it is finally good :) Well, it always has been that good but then tomorrow is last working day and finally holidays. That was the first good news, the second is that i have got some really great salary raise which i think is only fair for all the efforts i have taken: sleepless nights, overstress and what not.

These days are quite lazy in the office as i managed to reschedule my project till the next year, so only doing some routine work. Evenings are also lazy at home, watching movies or getting some sleep. Or also chatting a bit, or lets say a little bit more than just a bit :D

The last few evenings have been quite a torture though as well as a lot of fun. My dearest blogger queen Div who announced her retirement from the world of blogging some time ago (how did she dare only?? ) was studying for GRE. For those of you who are as ignorant as me (i am sure there is only 1% of people like that) who have no idea what GRE is I will tell you............ not. Find out ;) Google it :P

But now lets start with a torture. Being on chat the day before yesterday or maybe it even was the day before that day out of nothing i got the message on gtalk from this mad person. Not that it was something unusual to get a message from Div. But just not every day someone asks me what "decrepit" means. So being naive as i am I decided that girl got in some trouble (which is highly possible btw) and looked the word up in the dictionary. That was my biggest mistake. .. She just didnt stop after that. So here you can read some fragments of our chats from the last couple of days.

divs: now tell me decrepit-wat is it?
me: old, out of use or even broken down :)
divs: u knew it or u used dictionary :P
me: of course i used the dictionary! my vocabulary is so grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr :D
divs: yeyeyeyeyeyeye :D
me: happy, nah? :P
divs: veryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy happyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

divs: lenu wat is concord...though i know wat it is :P
me: depends on context i guess but mainly something like agreement
divs: yeah
divs: sami says concord is a plane :P
me: and she is right :P
divs: :O
me: there is even a car concord :P
divs: oh god
me: yes there were planes concord, they were very fast
divs: but do u think in my gre they wud ask me the names of cars n planes?
me: lolz you can never know!
divs: :P they wudnt

me: do you also have a dictionary?
divs: i hav it all in my mind, my mind is a dictionary

divs: insouciant?
me: inso-what????
divs: hahahahaha ur an idiot
divs: insousiant=carefree, huh

divs: pillory?
me: it doesnt have to do anything with pillow??
divs: idiot

divs: canyon?
me: i know this word! it is the same in russian :D but actually it is just canyon :P
divs: now will u tell me wat is means? :D
me: as if you dont know!
divs: canyon=chasm :P
me: is it?
divs: hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
me: ohh... really it is..dictionary says the same :P
divs: hahahahahaahah
love u
ur soooo sweeeeet

divs: unctuous
me: you sure this word exist?
divs: lolz
me: oily? :P
divs: yep wer did u find?
me: my brains told me :P
divs: lolz :D u hav brains :O
me: sometimes :P

divs: propitiated
me: propi-how??? there is no such word!
divs: :D lolz appease anger :P
me: i swear you invented it just now :P
divs: lolz idiot :x

divs: trenchant
me: incisive
divs: hmmm incisive ok...but forceful
me: who told you?
divs: lolz this isnt fair, my words list told me :D
me: lolz then it lied

divs: disawowal
me: wowowowowal ??? :P
divs: lolzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz :D lenaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa:D ur such a sweetheart
me: really? :P
divs: hahaha
me: it is denial, right?
divs: yeah

divs: dilapidate
me: too long!
divs: :P decay
me: is it a new words or definition of the dil-something-thing?
divs: huhuhuhuhuhuh :D
me: oohh i guess they are synonyms, no wonder i dont like both :P
divs: hahahahah

I will not wonder if after reading this you will think I am an idiot, even Div thinks so :D

But then what are these words for? I have never used them, will never use them and still can very much communicate. Are they for exams then? But I am proud to have a friend who not only knows that they exist but even knows the meanings ;)

Kudos to Div, who still remains my Blogger Queen, even though not blogging anymore!! :) :)


Tuesday, December 25, 2007

On The Side Of Angels

Time for another tag has come and well this time again tagged by Sameera and I am sure she is very much happy about it :D

And well to make it easier I am making it the part of Tuesday Love Ramblings as today is tuesday and as I want so ;) And well, it is also about love, love for music and love for life. And since it is the season of LOVE I decided it to be so!!

So here are the rules like Sameera got them from somewhere (stolen, nahh? :P ):

1. Put your music player on shuffle mode. - Shuffle mode?? Whats this? :D
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. You must write the name of the song no matter what - no cheating ;) - huh!! just i thought about cheating and here it is!!

Have I Told You Lately by Rod Stewart .......

lol ...ok, ok, love is all around, so i guess it is okay!!

Watch Me Shine (Legally Blonde Soundrack)

I'm gonna show the world the strength in me
That sometimes they can't see
I'm about to switch my style
And soon things may get wild
But I will prove I can conquer anything
So from my head to toe I'm taking full control
I'll make it on my own
This time
(Better watch me shine)

That was exact!! Nice, I love this tag already ;)

Someone Like You by Van Morrisson

Someone like you makes it
All worth while
Someone like you keeps
Me satisfied. Someone exactly
Like you

ahem ahem.... i guess all has been said ;)

Amazed by Lonestar

Every little thing that you do
I'm so in love with you
It just keeps getting better
I want to spend the rest of my life
With you by my side
Forever and ever
Every little thing that you do
Baby, I'm amazed by you

awwww.... is it how I feel?? hmm..... hmmmm... hmmmmmmmmm..... I gueess it is ;)

Just dont take me wrong. Love is all around, isnt it? ;)

I Just Called To Say I Love You by Stewie Wonder

You seeeeeeeeeee...I just told you Love is all around :P

I'll Stand By You by Pretenders

Oh, why you look so sad?
Tears are in your eyes
Come on and come to me now
Dont be ashamed to cry
Let me see you through
cause Ive seen the dark side too
When the night falls on you
You dont know what to do
Nothing you confess
Could make me love you less
Ill stand by you
Ill stand by you
Wont let nobody hurt you
Ill stand by you

And I really do :)

Ain't No Mountain High Enough by Marvin Gaye and Tammi Terell

Gosh..i first heard this song in the movie "Stepmom", it is just great!!!

If you need me, call me
No matter where you are
No matter how far
Just call my name
I'll be there in a hurry
You don't have to worry
'Cause baby,
There ain't no mountain high enough
Ain't no valley low enough
Ain't no river wide enough
To keep me from getting to you

No comments....

I Swear by All for One

And I swear by the moon
And the stars in the sky I'll be there
I swear like the shadow that's by your side I'll be there
For better or worse
Till death do us part
I'll love you with every beat of my heart
And I swear

thats sure not about love for parents but who cares! that is what I think :)

Living to Love you by Sarah Connor

awww... this is a sweet one...and huh!! again about love :D

WHAT IS 2+2?
I Believe I Can Fly by R.Kelly
hurrrrrrrrr...Title said it all ...

Since You've been Gone by Nevergreen

Since you've been gone
baby you've been on my mind
since you've been gone, how can I go on
since you've been out of my life
baby since you've been gone
I guess that I should be alright
since you've been gone, how can I go on
since you've been out of my life

awwww... thats sad, so much sad almost made me cry again ....hey, what are you thinking about? ;) Just one of my closest friends is out of this world!! I mean the world of communication online. And being in other city me is missing him :(

A Moment Like This by Kelly Clarkson

What if I told you
It was all meant to be
Would you believe me,
Would you agree
It's almost that feelin'
That we've met before

you seee...i keep on loving this tag... music always knows better!!

I Dont Wanna Miss a Thing by Aerosmith

I don't wanna close my eyes
I don't wanna fall asleep
'Cause I'd miss you, babe
And I don't wanna miss a thing
'Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream will never do
I'd still miss you, babe
And I don't wanna miss a thing

That is my favourite! Of all times. And well .... I dont wanna miss a thing.....

One in a Million by Bosson

HUH!! Me is grown up.... or not really....or grown up... no, i am not... or am i? nooooooooo, I am not!! yessssss, I am! huh!! one in a million? i hope i am................................................ grown up! ;)

Everything I Do I Do It For You by Bryan Adams

hmm.... and everything this tag does to me is kind of right till now ;)

Reach by Caleigh Peters

Whatever you do, you’ll never be wrong
As long as you reach for it
When you reach for it, nothings to far
And its never to long, as long as you reach for it
You can dream on it, everywhere its there

They want me to be happy... thats obvious :)

You Gotta Be Bad You Gotta Be Bold by Desree

You gotta be bad, you gotta be bold
You gotta be wiser, you gotta be hard
You gotta be tough, you gotta be stronger
You gotta be cool, you gotta be calm
You gotta stay together
All I know, all I know, love will save the day
Herald what your mother said
Readin' the books your father read
Try to solve the puzzles in your own sweet time

hmm.... might be might be...

A Girl Like You by Edwyn Collins

Haha..if they play this I will be happy ... in heaven..... or hell..... whatever!

I Dont Know by Erika

lol !! i was not cheating :D I swear!!

So Yesterday by Hillary Duff

If you're over me, I'm already over you
If it's all been done, what is left to do
How can you hang up if the line is dead
If you wanna walk, I'm a step ahead
If you're moving on, I'm already gone
If the light is off then it isn't on
At least not today, not today, not today

hmm.... i am keeping my secrets well :)

You're Beautiful by James Blunt

errr.... ignoring the story of the song... yes, my friends are beautiful!! :)

On The Side of Angels by LeAnn Rimes

We are on the side of ANGELS, arent we?

uffffffff... done with it!! ;)
Sometimes you listen to a song and you hear the words, but sometimes you listen to the song and know the story... sometimes it is a story of someone's life. So lets listen not to words but to stories :)

And I am tagging here Akila, Ameya, Anoop, Shalini and Shantini :)
Have fun!


Monday, December 24, 2007

An Open Letter

My dearest friends!
I want to thank you all for being here with me all this while and giving me encouraging comments and appreciating my thoughts and writing. I respect each and everyone of my readers, their thoughts, their opinions, their personalities. Now I thought about writing this post though know it is not exactly my wisest decision because even the most close people to me asked to ignore and just live my life happy despite everything. Maybe I will but first I needed to write this post.
Some of you might have wondered what was the last post pointing out, where the shoutbox has disappeared and why the comments are moderated now. Some of you might have got some clue as we are visiting the same blogs and comment on them together. For the rest of you this post will not say much and I am happy if it is so.

The reason for all these changes in my blog is a disagreement I once had with one of the bloggers. I will not give link to the blog of this person here because those who know her they do, and the rest will find out if they decide it is necessary for them. The reason for disagreement was deleting her blog from my blogroll out of some personal reasons. I do not know this girl, I have never talked to her, the only communication was in blogs leaving comments on each other's blogs. My comments never sounded offensive and insulting though. Neither were her till the certain moment.

I dont understand how the fact of being deleted from a blogroll might be so hurting for some people that they keep on leaving hatred anonymous comments regarding who i am and what i write about. I am not here to judge anyone - thats her life unless it has become in touch with mine which made me make some arrangements regarding security of this blog, because my blog is not a place of the war, the war which i do not see any reasons for.

I would not say how good or bad this person is. I do not know her other than from her blog or comments she is leaving on people's blogs and on my own. I only want some peace at least in my place. She might leave comments to my comments on other people's blogs like she is doing - thats her right, and I do not care, just i believe that comment section is a place where we share our thoughts and beliefs, and not a place for fight, thats why you will never find me replying back to her sarcastic comments on other people's blogs. I believe if you have to say something to someone - find the courage and say it personally instead of sneaking around and doing it behind someone's back.

Why I am writing all this? Well... because I have had enough and because like i once said - When someone bites me I bite back. I dont want anyone to be influenced in whatever way it might happen. I am not asking you to judge or to take any decisions, I only want you to know that i will not let anyone treat me this way just like this.

If some of you think like her that my posts are disgraceful and cocky, i dont make you read them....
If some of you think like her that i am saying something disgusting about India and its culture, just let me know when and where, because I know 100% that i never did.

If some of you feel disturbed that i comment on blogs what are written by indians, giving my views and opinions about things that matter to all of us, then i am sorry, just tell me and i will stop visiting and reading your blog.

Blogs are not an area for fights and wars, and if this girl is so much disturbed by her own fight and doesnt manage to bring her own life on track, I will not let her make my own a battle field. Because unlike her I do not pursue happiness. My happiness is always with me.

Now if someone feels they dont want to have anything to do with me after this post, it is a free world, people. We are free to come and to go....

For my dearest and loving friends.... I will not remove the post, do not ask. I am not the one who deletes them once written, not because I think that deleting is bad but because I have my own principles too.

Topic closed. At least in my blog.

P.S. Comments for this post disabled.... not because i am afraid but because this one wasnt meant for commenting...
P.P.S I was supposed to write one post tomorrow but am not in the mood to write on the topics regarding love as Tuesday Love Ramblings are supposed to be such one :) Next proper post will come on Wednesday.

P.P.S. Name removed after long long long attempts of my sweet friend Sameera to come to my mind. She succeeded only partly, it resulted in the changes done to the post.


Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Find Me Guilty

Bloggerville is a special place with all its population, small worlds, communities. It is a model of a real life. We live here, share our feelings, emotions. We feel happy for each other, we cry together. We support, we comfort, we make friends, we live.... We fight... The small version of society with its own rules, its own problems, its own values. Not much difference.

Freedom of choice, freedom of word.. i can say whatever i wish, it is my place, right? No matter how wrong i might be i can tell you anything here, who cares? i can say 2+2=5 and nobody will judge me. I can tell that i hate Tom Cruise and people will tell me - your right. But up to which limits these are my rights? What can I tell you and what not?

It turns out we can say everything.
Hate - it is here!
Insults - no problems!
Discussing in public your fight with she-was-once-my-friend - Cool, why not?

What about moral aspect, people? Dont you think if it is an anonymous thing and we most probably will never meet each other we got the rights to act like no moral issues exist? Didnt your parents teach you what is right and what is wrong? Didnt you know before that saying insulting things about someone you dont know and who has not done anything bad to you ever is bad??

So much for the society where morality isn't respected anymore.

Once you signed up for blog you knew it is public, didnt you? You knew people will come and read your stuff. So why act now like everyone who doesnt leave comments is stalking you or spying on you. Come on, if i drop by someone's place and just read - does it make me a stalker? Wowwwwwwww, then 90% of us are stalkers. I read many blogs, comment on few, sometimes i drop by one and the same blog several times before i write a comment for the post. Sometimes i am sure i left a comment but then it turns out i didnt. Huh!! I am the biggest stalker. When i read a post where i cant say anything to the author i dont comment, because i prefer to be honest and sincere. If it is a crime, then find me guilty. If someone puts my name in his/her blog in negative context I believe i have all rights to read it. Am I wrong? Nooooooo, not wrong, just a stalker, I guess thats worse, nahh??

People have misunderstandings, always had and always will have. Making them public, shouting loud that this blog is fake and that one is pretending too is really a great deal... and when someone who does this teaches me being tolerant, i am left speechless. I was taught to be loyal to my friends and if i see that someone is being unfair or doing things wrong i think i have all rights not to have this person in my life (read: my blog) and stand up for someone i love and care about. And someone feels sorry for me because of it? Someone who is not able to keep her own life on track feels sorry for me? oh.. no comments, will try not to become too personal. But i am not all that loving and sweet. Once people bite me i bite back and i believe i have all rights for that.

Blogs are a personal space, nobody can tell you what to write and what not. And it is not our business to advice someone. But what about common sense?? And what about commenters, who have no idea of what had happened but keep giving comments as if they know, supporting the one side but then going to another blog and supporting it too without even knowing thats exactly that "bad" guy they read in the previous blog about. It is all so much anonymous, we dont know much about each other, we only are here to share out thoughts, opinions, feelings. From where this need of judging is coming?

Would you do the same if it was not in Bloggerville, would you ask for the crowd to come and announce that this your ex-friend is such a ***** (sorry, am to nice to use any cursing). Will you keep insulting and force this person not to use the same streets as you do? Would you involve people who have nothing to do with it? Want to know the answer? You wouldnt...nobody would. Because real society has this moral assets.... Bloggerville does not. Here it is only up to you how to react. But it is exactly here that people can see the REAL you, no matter how anonymous. Why dont we think about it next time when we want to write about hate, when we want to judge someone, when we want to show that we are better.. because ... are we REALLY better?


Monday, December 17, 2007

And I Know Its Gonna Be Alright :)

You will not believe but that's me again :D What a wonder, isnt it? For all of people who commented on my last post and who were very very nice I just thougt of letting you all know that I am doing much better :) And things are going better and life is not super great but GREAT! :) Thank you to all of you for caring and supportive coments :)

Now to post. Tuesday, so that must be time for another TUESDAY LOVE RAMBLINGS but....

Always there is a "but", nahh?? And this "But" are tags that are pending, and pending, and pending... So today i thought of combining tags with love ramblings. I am very very smart, dont you think? ;)

I was tagged like 2 weeks ago by
JJ to write 7 (!) WEIRD facts about myself. I know there was a tag about 8 random facts of me which you can read here but well, this is not exactly the same as i am going to write about 7 WEIRD things I love :)

The things are posted in no particular order, just like they came to my mind. Rules are as following - me only posts these 7 weird facts and tags another 7 lucky people to do the same ;)

So, here I go!

1. I LOVE bookshops....

You better never leave me

alone in a book shop because
i can spend there hours. And it doesnt matter if it is a big shop or a small one, it will take me the same amountof time. When I am inside time stops existing. Life is absolutely different, world is not the same anymore. I guess I would even be able to live in there :D

2. I LOVE tea....

Ok, ok, not that exactly weird because many of us like it, but please no coffee, and only black tea with no milk and no sugar, NEVER. And it should be hot too!! Then i can drink it for breakfast, for lunch, for dinner (i mean instead of breakfast, lunch and dinner)

3. I LOVE being alone...

And, yes, I really do, be it the impossibility of being alone (there are always people around) or signs of my introverted (?) nature but there are moments (and they are often) where i dont want anyone around. Not that i feel uncomfortable with people, not like that, only that being alone is a little bit more comfortable

4. I LOVE mathematics...

Thats definitly my first love, my teachers were so much sad when i took a had decision of giving up studying this. But there is amazing beauty in it, dont you think?

1 x 8 + 1 = 9
12 x 8 + 2 = 98
123 x 8 + 3 = 987
1234 x 8 + 4 = 9876
12345 x 8 + 5 = 98765
123456 x 8 + 6 = 987654
1234567 x 8 + 7 = 9876543
12345678 x 8 + 8 = 98765432
123456789 x 8 + 9 = 987654321

1 x 9 + 2 = 11
12 x 9 + 3 = 111
123 x 9 + 4 = 1111
1234 x 9 + 5 = 11111
12345 x 9 + 6 = 111111
123456 x 9 + 7 = 1111111
1234567 x 9 + 8 = 11111111
12345678 x 9 + 9 = 111111111
123456789 x 9 +10= 1111111111

9 x 9 + 7 = 88
98 x 9 + 6 = 888
987 x 9 + 5 = 8888
9876 x 9 + 4 = 88888
98765 x 9 + 3 = 888888
987654 x 9 + 2 = 8888888
9876543 x 9 + 1 = 88888888
98765432 x 9 + 0 = 888888888

Brilliant, isn't it?'t it?
And look at this symmetry:

1 x 1 = 1
11 x 11 = 1211
111 x 111 = 12321
1111 x 1111 = 1234321
11111 x 11111 = 123454321
111111 x 111111 = 12345654321
1111111 x 1111111 = 1234567654321
11111111 x 11111111 = 123456787654321
111111111 x 111111111=123456789 87654321

It should be loved!!! :) :) :)

5. I LOVE "Charmed"...

I have watched all 8 seasons for many times, knowing them almost by heart but still keep on watching and watching. I have them in 3 languages - russian, german and english and i just cant stop myself from watching any time when i feel bad - it makes me feel secure somehow when i know that the evil will be destroyed completely and the power of love, care, life will be on top again!! :)

6. I LOVE mess....

Well, really, dont like things to take their places. You should take a look at my desk. I call it "creative chaos". My mom calls it a "mess". Most probably she is right but i love it the way it is.

I always know where i can find anything i need, but once someone makes some kind of order there I am not able to find anything at all..

7. I LOVE the question "really?"...

I just ask it like every second sentence and it doesnt mean i doubt anything you say, it only means that i love to ask this :P Once i promised to a friend that i will try not to ask it so frequently because he complained about me doubting his words. But then his answer was like "Dont change it. If you wont ask it, it will not be you". So i am still there keep asking "Really?"

Ok, done!! Yahooooooooooo!! Life has not been easy for me these last few weeks, things are complicated but blogging is one of few reasons why i hold on because i know after rain there is always sunshine and and everything is gonna be alright :)

Not tagging anyone, whoever feels he can/want/will do it, is very much welcome :) :)


Saturday, December 15, 2007

Don't upset me! I'm running out of places to hide the bodies

"No matter how busy you are, you must take time to make the other person feel important".

That is something i have read once and something I follow up to the letter, hoping that people I love and care about really do feel they are important. Because if I fail I might lose them once and forever. And that is something i would never be able to bear because these people are my strength and my life.

But then sometimes I wonder if they feel the same way, if they do the same way, if the closeness we have has the same meaning for them. Because they happen to be too busy and i am constantly losing this feeling of being important. I have lots of understanding for each and everything, maybe the most understanding person you have ever come across but then in a weird way I also have my limits of patience (unbelievable, huh?). I know it is all about EXPECTATIONS and i know we have no rights to expect anything from the other person, any relationship is about giving and being happy about this, but if once you lose a feeling of being special and important, you lose the whole happiness of giving, isnt it?
I know I can not expect people to be the same way as I am, and I know the circumstances might not allow them always to show they are there for me, I respect and appreciate it but then this feeling of lack of something or someone is just too painful. There are things which have no need of being told, they must be felt, but sometimes just knowing something is not enough, you want to be told this again and again. And when you dont get to hear this it makes you feel lost and frustrated even though you know you have no reason for that.

Well, ok, has been a sad post, just trying to realise the reasons of frustration i have these days, but on a more cheerful note i am going to tell you a secret...... Big big secret, and then dont tell this to anyone else because..... well.... it is a SECRET!!!

So, the secret is..... curious, huh?! ok, ok, here i go - the secret is about me. I am so much like a mad person when i am sad and frustrated, so better not to leave bad comments, only nice are allowed. I love nice comments :D Or better like Divvi would say "Me loves nice comments" :P

And remember: Don't upset me! I'm running out of places to hide the bodies :P


Thursday, December 13, 2007

Was the "Somebody" You?

How often we complain about life being unfair to us.
But are we fair to it?
Do we take it as it comes or do we wait for something more?
Expecting things happen to us instead of making them happen.
Expecting people to be nice instead of being nice to them.
Expecting the world to smile at us instead of smiling at it.
Expecting to receive instead of give.

The most beautiful moments in life come unexpected, you dont plan them, you dont expect them, you just live them....

And each new day is there to help you. You have been given this day to use as you want to. You can waste it or you have a chance to use it for good. What you do today is important because in the end it is a day of your own life. When tomorrow comes, this day will be gone forever. And in its place there will be something that you have left behind... Good or bad. Let it be something good. Though the choice is all yours.

And if somebody is happy and content.
And if somebody knows what is good,
and if somebody loves his life,
Let this somebody be YOU.


Tuesday, December 11, 2007

You Think You Know but You just Have no Idea

I have become slow and less regular in blogging, all due to increasing workload and stress at work. I promise to be back to my usual regularity once I get some little more release from all the assignments i have to deal with at the moment.

But this time i just cant not write anything as some crazy mad angel told me it is about time and i promised to write something today :D


Maybe it will be harsh on someone but thats the way i think life is going.

Sometimes things happen that we would prefer to avoid.
Sometimes you leave someone or you are left.
Sometimes all you have left are the memories.
And sometimes you are just not able to let go....

It is easy to talk about it, when it doesnt concern you.
It is simple to give advice when it is not you crying all night long.
It always seems to you that you just know better.

You think you know but you just have no idea....

And it is hard to be there when your friend is suffering.
It is difficult to find the right words to make them feel better.
It is impossible to take their pain away when all you want is them being happy.

Because no words of yours will ever be able to cease the pain.
No actions of yours will make them forget, forgive and believe again.

You think you know but you just have no idea....

Dont assume your friends dont know what they have to do.
They know precisely.
They have been told it several times.
They told this to someone else several times.
But they just can not. Not easy... needs time, needs strength, needs understanding.

And you are helpless there, watching them destroy themselves, suffering, losing their identity in trying to save the little of their love left - sweetest memories.

You think you know but you just have no idea....

And all you can do is to be there for them, to give your care, love, support, understanding.
To make them believe that life can be better than this. And it is not easy when all your friend is able to see is darkness and uncertain future without someone they love....

You think you know but you just have no idea how much your friends need you at this time....


Friday, December 07, 2007

There is no Way to Happiness, Happines is the Way

Feeling down last couple of days, somehow me and not me, lost in space, time and reality. But even being lost and disturbed as I am these days I remember I have to write the tag. "Life would be different if.." And actually I knew what to write about but somehow not into anything these days, even was not sure if I would write anything this week.

But today while waiting for the bus to go home after work i thought that life would be different, if I didnt have to stay there in this cold evening and wait for the bus for the time period which one would call eternity! And then I again thought and thought and thought..... I guess I just thought too much and then..... well .... then the bus came.. not mine!! Whatever! I took this one, just like that as it came to my mind, then changed it, took another one and another. Finally it was the one that could bring me home.

And sitting there, almost falling asleep I got this line that was supposed to be the last line of my yet-to-be-born post. Trying to catch the line and not to let it go i pulled myself together and concentrated on it.. Somehow didnt work out and the line was gone. Felt miserable, really, but then i caught it again ... and again lost it... playing hide-and-seek with this thought i finally reached home and tried to store it somewhere deep in my mind in order to get this thought out of it when time comes.

So you see I really had to write this post otherwise the thought would have gone forever. This tag is pending for such a long time which someone would call ETERNITY. During this time I read lost of tags done by my blogger friends and only wondered what should I write about. Now I know.....

Life would be different if...

we had no sunrises to watch
there were no rains for walking out
there were no first snowfall each year
there were no flowers to blossom

Life would be different if

we didnt have smiles that happen for no reasons
we didnt have smiles for every reason
we couldnt laugh till it hurts
we didnt have friends to be with us when things go wrong
we didnt have friends to be with us when thing go right
we didnt have friends who we could call at 4 am just like that
we didnt have pillow fights

Life would be different if

we didnt have dreams
we didnt believe in impossible
we didnt have hope
we didnt believe in wonders

Life would be different if

we didnt know that someone loves us
we never got to hear "I love you"
we never said "I love you"
we didnt know that someone cares
we didnt care for someone we love
we didnt know that someone misses us
we didnt miss that someone special
we couldnt give a hug to someone we care about
we couldnt get a hug when we need it
we couldnt have a chance of being with our loved ones

Life would be different if

we couldnt stay at home on a rainy day, sit at fireplace and read our favourite book
we couldnt have a family dinner every now and then and enjoy funny family stories
we couldnt have a hot tea on a cold day
we couldnt have breakfast in bed when we want it
we didnt skip room cleaning every now and then (more "now" than "then")

Life would be different if

we didnt have instant messengers to keep in touch
we didnt have miss calls to show we are there
we couldnt call each other to make each other feel important
we didnt have chocolate to cease the pain when things go wrong
we didnt have chocolate to feel more joy when things go good

And maybe...

Life would be different if

we knew what to do
we knew where to go
we knew what it is all about....

But does it matter? If we have these small moments of happiness each and every day, do we really need to know why sometimes things go wrong and we cant do anything about it, why sometimes life is dark and people just dont care.

Sometimes when we think the world is dark, it is just us closed our eyes. Open the eyes, start to appreciate the moments you have got because it might happen you wake up one day and those moments are gone and life is different... but then ...different doesnt always mean better. Happiness is not in looking for better options, it is in the ability to appreciate the ones you have got. There is only one life you've got to live and choose to live it happy because there is no way to happiness, happiness is the way..

And life would be different if i didnt tag Sameera because i also have my mischievous side :D

Anyone else eager to write on the topic is very much welcome :)

PS: forgot to tell that i was tagged by bizarre kid :)


Wednesday, December 05, 2007

Giving is good, Receiving is better :)

Today is a special date which I myself found out recently and accidentally as it usually happens :) Today it is me 2 years in the blogs world. Funny how once it started out of weird reasons and now goes for quite a log time and quite successful too. I will not write much today as this is a special post dedicated to all my blogger friends who have been there and encouraged me by visiting and leaving comments :)

So here I go giving out awards.. (I just love this!!) for those people who have been with me for the last few months inspiring to write, to think, to observe.

Let me start with the award once presented to me by Sameera

and which i want now to give to the authors of the following blogs:

They more than just deserve it :)

Now a few more AWARDS that were meant to be somewhat personal. I will go in alphabetical order, so please be patient!!

What to say about her? She has such a springly blog. Just love it. Keep it up, sweets!


Dont know but just somehow was caught up by her blog. It feels great to be at her page.
Dont you dare to stop writing, sweetie!

Bizarre Kid

Who pretends not to be bizarre anymore :P
but i love his blog for giving food for thought, and even though we happen to argue,
but who does not?

Divya - my blogger queen, she has an awesome way of writing, she takes funny things, senti things, thinking things and then... wow ... Great Post is there. Love you the way you are, keep writing no matter what!

Awesome blog, one of those I start and end my day with, always waiting for updates!

Sameera -my INSPIRATION, my GUIDE in Bloggerville. If not for her I wouldnt ever be back to blogging. Love you so much dear. Keep inspiring us the best way like noone else can :)

Now one more award is left. As a regular reader of (great place for discovering new cool blogs) I have received this Christmas Award which I now want to present to all the people on my blogroll.

So if you found yourself on my BlogRoll then this Award is yours as well (even if you are already mentioned in this post).
Lets spread love, joy and happiness in this Christmas Season! :)

Love you all!!! :)


Tuesday, December 04, 2007

We live... We love.... We hurt.... Part 2

I have 2 tags pending. Don’t you worry I remember about them and will write as soon as I get an idea what to write about ;)
Today I decided to start a new topic on my blog which was long due though somehow always postponed it. I guess I just didn’t have a clear idea of how it should be. Now I have a slight idea, but still it is an IDEA and I am going to hold on it.


Once I have written this already and consider this as one of my best posts no matter what anyone else thinks. And since I am the laziest person you could ever meet and deadline is soooooooo soon, I decided I will just a little bit change it/or maybe not change at all and repost here. Smart, right? ;) Though lazy, of course!

I have a very good friend, in fact one of my best friends and he taught me a lot especially when I had my bad times. He means a lot to me and I know he feels the same way about me. And even though we hardly get a chance to talk to each other these days we remain in each other hearts and know who to lean on when dark times come again.
But friendship and love are not always and only about good times. Sometimes we manage to hurt people who are the most special persons in our life

Life is a weird thing, we have few relationships that are important to us and we fail to maintain them the way we would like - without PAIN, without TEARS, without DISAPPOINTMENTS. but we do continue them because in the end they are all (and here I repeat: ALL) what we have got.

People are going to hurt you every now and then, you are going to hurt them every now and then.. In the end everyone is getting hurt or hurts you, you are the one who decides who is worth this pain You can not live in illusionary world. Life is not only about “Positive”. It is impossible to avoid pain, impossible not to hurt, no matter how caring, wise, sweet we are. Because we are not angels, rather devils in relationships with dear for us people...

I don’t like being hurt by my friends, neither I like to hurt them. And most of all I hate the moments when someone has to say sorry but in any kind of relationships you can’t do without it, you do hurt people, you make up for this, you try to be perfect for the ones you like/love, it doesn’t work always but if we give up on someone we truly like and love, then what life it would be?? It would be different, but do we truly want life to be different?
In that chat with my friend some months ago I assured him that would never give up after the first mistake. Now I still think the same way.

How often we give up only because we think that people who love us cant hurt us? Yes, they can, and in fact they will hurt us more than anyone else! Just because they are close to us, EXACTLY because of it!! But then what?? Give up on them? That’s definitely the easiest way, but again if I would give up on everyone who hurt me I would have stayed alone with no people around. And so would be everyone.
In my life I used to give people second chances, third chances.... twentieth chances... sometimes I was proved wrong, but mostly it paid off... Friendship is all about hurting, being hurt, forgiving, forgetting, being hurt again, crying, laughing about this stupid matters, forgetting, hurting... and so on. It’s a circle, has no end... pure second chances. But from every wound there is a scar, and every scar tells a story. A story that says, Friendship survived. Which means it all was worth it :)

Because in the end friendship is the most precious gift, bringing smiles, happiness, comfort, understanding, care and love.And then you always know that despite everything when the moment comes they will be there to help you when you are down, and if they can't, they will lay down beside you and listen...

We live... We love... We hurt... Part 1 (not much difference, believe me, I proved myself lazy :)


Sunday, December 02, 2007

In order to Heal you Need to Hurt

Life can be unpredictable sometimes. Hmm.. what i am saying ... it is not exactly so, life is unpredictable almost always and sometimes goes the way we less expect or dont expect at all. But the most beautiful things in our lives come as unexpected ones. So it was very unexpected for me, or better to say "for my blog", to be awarded as best love related blog :D

Ok-ok, I myself also wondered first time what does my blog have to do with LOVE, but like Sami said it is UNIVERSAL LOVE and I would agree with her here. Now about the person who presented me (read: my blog) such a wonderful Award: this is Mauro from Portugal who happened to run a blog dedicated completely to love which consists of love messages from people all over the world. And the main idea is to collect one million love messages! And you can also leave messages for people you love and care about there, sharing the happiness and your feelings with the whole world!! :)

And when I received this award I thought about something that kept my mind busy for the last couple of weeks, I just want to dedicate one post in the week to LOVE. No matter what the subtopic of it might be but the main topic will be LOVE itself. Dont know about the day but it might be Tuesday or Wednesday, something like Love Ramblings :D Anyways will try not to be trite there :) that much about love! and awards!

Now back to my blog. I have so much to write about that it might take many posts but I guess not today. So let me just start and we will see together where I end, if I end at all, which is also quite possible.

Today I was supposed to work, but ended up watching "Heroes", just couldnt stop. OMG - that took a lot of my time which was saved for some office stuff. Huh!! Lazy person I am, my fault only, but at least I enjoyed and finally finished the first season :) Thats the most important thing I guess, when you know that you have had a great time even though you know you will have to work harder in order to catch up with things!

Anyways that was just a short digression and now I will start with something that really occupies my mind. And no wonder that this time it is blogging. I mean when you keep blogging you come to think what to blog about. Why you blog, what you blog about, who reads you, who comments, why they do it?

I do not want to talk about people who keep blogs for some professional needs or for earning money. I am talking about those of us, who keep their personal blogs and try to maintain them on a good level. Why are people do this? What is the main idea of blogging for you. I happened to read many blogs as of lately, but only few have this something in them that catches you and makes you read and read and read and come back to read again.

Why is the number of interesting personal blogs so low? Maybe because I myself personally am not interested in people's lives' details? Not that curious what is going on in the lives of people I dont know. What I mean is that people who keep personal blogs can be qualified into 2 big categories: the ones who show up their lives and the ones who share their thoughts, opinions, art. Not that i am against putting personal life online, not my business, even I am suffering of it too, because after all it is my place and I can do whatever I want. It is just that sometimes I have the idea that people who put their lives completely in their blogs forget that it is NOT the life.

Once I read on Nick's blog his advice to someone bothering him too much "Get a life, start blogging", wow.. i love this thought, and it is a true one in a way because for most of us blogging has become an important part of our life. But the main word here is "PART". It is not LIFE like some people must be thinking.

Why I am writing this now? Why should I bother? Personal is personal, absolutely not concerning me, but... There is always a "but", right? We consider ourself a society, blogger society, bloghopping is a normal thing, going from one blog to another is a norm, leaving comments for people we dont know and maybe never will know is a must, or at least a necessary part of blogging. But do we realize that our comments might have an influence on someone's life. That they might take decisions based on the idea of the most comments.

Now dont tell me that people are not so stupid to take comments of fellow bloggers as a handbook and follow them up to the last point. Actually some people are... Not stupid, but listening to these pieces of advice we give them. Because some of them are out here exactly for this - for getting some comfort, for getting advice, for letting someone make decisions instead of them.

Why do you write? For the sake of writing? For putting down what you feel? For calming yourself down? Because it helps you? Because it is like self-therapy? Just for fun? Do you want to be appreciated? Do you want people to agree with you? Show you that you are right in whatever you are thinking?

How many blogs are positive? I mean you happen to read blogs, good ones or bad ones, how many make a positive influence on you? How many make you smile? How many make you think? How many share positive emotions with you?

I dont know the statistics of blogs and I am even sure there is no statistics for this issue. But most of blogs I happen to come across while my aimless journey in net were DARK. Dark in the meaning of no light, no positiveness, no happiness. People keep telling themselves and the whole world that everything goes wrong and never ever will be the same as it should be. Lost love, bad managers, problems in family and in work. People lost the ability to be happy about small things, it is much more easier to cry and complain.

But the weirdest thing is that WE SUPPORT them in that. By coming by, seeing such a blog, reading a sad post and then saying to yourself: "This person needs comfort and help. And I can give him/her a part of myself, of my care, of my happiness". And we leave comments saying that everything will be better and that the managers are always bad, that the lost love was not worth them, that family should learn respect them and they just should ignore everyone scolding them. Nothing bad in such advice, isnt it? Just some more care shown, some love from different corners of the world, comfort and understanding.

The question is "How much GOOD does it really do?" Now please dont think about "How is it possible for my little sweet, nice message to hurt in any way"? Now give it a little thought: when your close friend keeps being obsessed with lost love ruining his/her love, what will you say?? Will you repeat that he/she should move on and dont think about the past, that their ex is not worth it, that you understand how they feel, thatsomething like "keep faith and hope", "dont worry, he will come back to you", "he just doesnt understand what he had lost", "try to make up with him", "do everything possible", "do what your heart says".

Will you?? Will you just let this person near you destroy yourself by being there in the past, by losing their identity? YOU WILL NOT!! But for someone you dont know personally you will leave a comment like this (all the above are comments of bloggers to one of such post). Where is the difference? We will shake up our dear and close friend telling them that they need help, they need their life back, they need to live, they need ... but we will leave some nice and sweet comment in someone's blog for the same and just leave?

When you leave comments do you believe in what you are saying? Do you think it might help? Do you know what will be the result? By leaving such "sweet" comments we make people weak.

They get illusionary assurance that they are right in their position, that they are victims of circumstances and deserve to be comforted, taken care of, loved. Well, hell, we all do but if we encourage this in such people they will stop to struggle, they will think thats the way the world goes like "I will cry and people will come and help me". And by thinking that we help, sometimes we only make everything worse.

And by leaving a different comment, different from the one expected, when you try REALLY help and not just cry along with that person, you are the one who is not welcome anymore ..sometimes only because all you have said was the TRUTH! People dont like the truth, they like and long for sweet lies which makes them feel important. But do we need lies to feel important? Arent we already important? For ourselve, for our families, our friends?

You know the answer, dont you?

Now, just a humble request for all reading this post.. Next time when you leave a comment for someone, think if you are saying the truth going from your heart, trying really to help... or you are just saying something nice and sweet in order not to hurt a person you grew close to in Bloggerville. The choice is all yours... All I want to say is "Sometimes... in order to heal you need to hurt".


Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Blogging.. A Bliss??

"People will forget what you asked, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget what you blogged about." - that's universal truth. Any doubts?? Then please doubt your doubts!! Because for the ones reading this blogging might as well seem to be a bliss.

Why am I writing all this today?? Just because this post of mine is # 200.. Cool, isnt it? 200 posts and you can multiply it by 100 to count how many positive emotions i got from it...

Failed to count? ;) Dont worry, I can tell you the answer. Ok-ok, i lied. They can not be counted, but I know that for all of us out there no matter in which corner of this big and friendly (did I really say "friendly"??) planet... so for all of us blogging has become an inevitable part of life.

My blog is not something special though of course it is special for me. I dont blog about something great and unusual. Just a daily routine stuff, about us, life, feelings. It has a lot of sad entries, or you can call them melancholic but mostly i try to keep it positive spreading all the sunshine I can ger from people around me, the ones in and out of Bloggerville.

I had some serious entries like this one, some about the flow of life and the way how life is. Some truly silly ones (but thats just the way i am, am not trying to suppress the silly side of me). Bust most of them were dedicated to happiness and love which for me are the most precious things in life.

I love blogging!! and even though i had a bad time and almost given up writing, now i am back and am not going to leave anymore!! :)

Thats about 200th post! And if you still doubt if blogging is a bliss, i would again repeat "Doubt your doubts"!!


Sunday, November 25, 2007

If they don't have chocolate in heaven, I ain't going

If They don't have Chocolate in Heaven, I ain't Going ...or 8 Random Facts about Me and My life

Recently (ok, ok, It was really not recently but quite some time ago ... huh!! really sorry for being late) I have been tagged by Preetilata about 8 Random Facts.. i guess each and everyone knows about this tag, have done it him/herself or have read it somewhere :D

But for those who have doubts about what it might be I still post the tagging rules here:

1. When tagged you must link to the person who tagged you.
2.Then post the rules before your list, and list eight random facts/habits about yourself.
3. At the end of the post, you must tag and link to eight other bloggers.

That is how the rules were presented by Preetilata and this way I am going to continue.

Usually I dont talk about myself and let the others speak, this time I just dont have a way out. Then the question is only how to pick these 8 RANDOM facts, how can I choose something random if for me each and everything is the central point. After all that is me we are talking about :D

Ok-ok, long introduction, I better start now, otherwise you will just fall asleep even before i mention the first fact :P

1. I was born on the 8th March, Women International Day... huh!! International day which is not internationally celebrated but still well known is some countries. Not much fun, believe me. I dont like this day....not my birthday but this Interational Day which replaced my birthday ... though a good point is that all the countries which recognize Women Day celebrate my birthday :D **kidding**

2. I want to have magic powers, I guess that is the influence of all the magic books and watching "Charmed" too much. But who cares. There is no rule that we can not dream :)

3. I cry when i watch sad movies.... and I cry when i watch happy ones.. I guess I am just too senti. Now please dont make me feel embarassed and please never mention this fact. ;)

4. I was supposed to become IT Professional. All my teachers in high-school were sure about it, and they knew what they were talking about. But see, I never choose the easiest ways and went some tough road to become what I am now... And it is.... NOT IT Professional :D No regrets, i love it this way, just sometimes wonder what I might have become if i had chosen another way.

5. I started to read when I was 4... and can not stop till now, to the big regret of my month salary, because books are expensive stuff.

6. I believe in true Friendship, and it is exactly Friendship with a capital "F". I think one can not have 100 friends like in their friends lists in different communities. And for me it does not matter if I met the person in "real" life or not. Trust and level of understanding is all that matters. :)

7. I love arguing. OMG... when I start this I just can not stop. And sometimes am proving the opinion which I personally strongly disagree... Like when someone says "white is white" I wll try to prove that "white is black" and believe me, I will succeed!!

8. I love London. Thats my favourite city of all. And I had known it long before i visited it. Once I made my first step there I knew it is my LOVE. Not Paris, not Moscow, not any other city on this planet but L.O.N.D.O.N!!

I guess these were 8 facts, so I will not add, that I love chocolate, can not sing, took dance lessons in high-school, hate to get up early, love quotes, forget small details but remember phone numbers... Instead of telling all this I will tag now:

Bizarre Kid

And believe me I can count.. at least up to 8 :P
And I know I have not named 8 people...
Bad luck, seems like everyone else in my blogroll has done this tag already.


Friday, November 23, 2007

The Week

Another week has gone. I know it is Friday only but for those of us who made it a daily routine to go to the office every Mon - Fri  this week has just finished. Saturday and Sunday are like the other dimension where you live a different life. My favourite time of the week though is friday evening which i can not and never will be able to explain. But do we really need to explain each and everything, sometimes it is just better to accept things the way they are.

Less than 6 weeks to New Year, and again I wonder how quick the time goes. It flies and we seem only to notice it when it already is gone  wondering what have we been doing all the time. Sometimes I wonder ... Well I do wonder constantly because somehow I feel 
that only with ability to wonder we can survive in this world of ours. 

But back to the point...

So sometimes I wonder about how relative everything in life is. When we go through life day buy day nothing seems to change but when you take a break, and just look back you will see that everything is different.
And in the end of the day you are not the same as in the morning...
And in the end of the week you are not the same as in its beginning...
And in the end of the year you are a different person compared to the person you were before...

And here I am in the end of the week trying to realize how much different i have become, figuring out good and bad things that happened recently, proving the concept of having changed myself. And it turned out that things are not easy to be figured out, but i have tried and found few positive and negative issues that might have influenced me for a change. Look carefully at this "might" because they might have .... or might have not... Time will show. And we will see.


  • I got my life back, you can wonder what should that mean but for me it is as clear as water. Working at the last project i could hardly get 4 hours of sleep, working 16 hours each day without weekends. And now it is such a great pleasure to come home and to do..................... NOTHING.. and when I say nothing i mean - watching movies, reading, blogging, chatting and and and ... just anything but not working!!
  • I fell in love..... yes, yes and yessssssssss. Fell in love... with my own BLOG!! I know it is selfish but i just love it, brings a lot of positive emotions :)
  • Got to know new people and I am really happy about it (and again thanks to BLOGging ;))
  • Will learn to write Haiku (thanks to Sameera who tagged me for that, will do soon, Sweetie).. am really exciting about this ;)
  • Got a call from my Orkut friend, was soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo... no-no.. soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo cool to talk to her... and when i think a little bit more now it was even sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo cool!!! :D
  • Got a call from my old University friend, we have not talked for ages and it was a pleasant surprise
  • Russia is in EURO 2008.. Yahooooooooooooooooooo and again Yahoooooooooooooo!!
    OMG!! That is something I would never believe especially after the disaster in the match with Israel last Saturday... HUH!! For those who dont know what the hell is going on, what this silly girl is on about I will say FOOTBALL, my dear, only FOOTBALL which some people somehow prefer to call soccer. And now when all the chances seemed to be lost and hope almost has gone away suddenly England loses against Croatia... and here we go.. Russia will play in European Championship.. England will not... I can go on about football for ages so am forcng myself to sht up :D
  • Talked to some dearest people which does not happen every week, so I was lucky here :)


  • I learned to hate....I dont know if it is good or bad, I only know it is new... Trying to cope with it, hope I will be successful because I hate to hate
  • Yesterday was late to the office for 40 mins... took the wrong bus.. Tell me how can someone mistake 165 for 120 :D I can!!
  • England is not in Euro 2008 **sob** Dont you wonder, please. Have been England's football team fan for the last 10 years with all their ups and downs (more downs I guess).. Now they are not in Euro 2008. But the choice here was either Russia or England... Oops...again i am talking about football... Why didnt you stop me??? ;)

Looking back at good or bad things that took place I dont see i have changed. But It is really funny how the daily routine makes us feel like everything is just the same but in the end you see that things are different and have no idea how it happened.. or did it happen??


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