In order to Heal you Need to Hurt

Life can be unpredictable sometimes. Hmm.. what i am saying ... it is not exactly so, life is unpredictable almost always and sometimes goes the way we less expect or dont expect at all. But the most beautiful things in our lives come as unexpected ones. So it was very unexpected for me, or better to say "for my blog", to be awarded as best love related blog :D



Ok-ok, I myself also wondered first time what does my blog have to do with LOVE, but like Sami said it is UNIVERSAL LOVE and I would agree with her here. Now about the person who presented me (read: my blog) such a wonderful Award: this is Mauro from Portugal who happened to run a blog dedicated completely to love which consists of love messages from people all over the world. And the main idea is to collect one million love messages! And you can also leave messages for people you love and care about there, sharing the happiness and your feelings with the whole world!! :)

And when I received this award I thought about something that kept my mind busy for the last couple of weeks, I just want to dedicate one post in the week to LOVE. No matter what the subtopic of it might be but the main topic will be LOVE itself. Dont know about the day but it might be Tuesday or Wednesday, something like Love Ramblings :D Anyways will try not to be trite there :) that much about love! and awards!

Now back to my blog. I have so much to write about that it might take many posts but I guess not today. So let me just start and we will see together where I end, if I end at all, which is also quite possible.

Today I was supposed to work, but ended up watching "Heroes", just couldnt stop. OMG - that took a lot of my time which was saved for some office stuff. Huh!! Lazy person I am, my fault only, but at least I enjoyed and finally finished the first season :) Thats the most important thing I guess, when you know that you have had a great time even though you know you will have to work harder in order to catch up with things!

Anyways that was just a short digression and now I will start with something that really occupies my mind. And no wonder that this time it is blogging. I mean when you keep blogging you come to think what to blog about. Why you blog, what you blog about, who reads you, who comments, why they do it?

I do not want to talk about people who keep blogs for some professional needs or for earning money. I am talking about those of us, who keep their personal blogs and try to maintain them on a good level. Why are people do this? What is the main idea of blogging for you. I happened to read many blogs as of lately, but only few have this something in them that catches you and makes you read and read and read and come back to read again.

Why is the number of interesting personal blogs so low? Maybe because I myself personally am not interested in people's lives' details? Not that curious what is going on in the lives of people I dont know. What I mean is that people who keep personal blogs can be qualified into 2 big categories: the ones who show up their lives and the ones who share their thoughts, opinions, art. Not that i am against putting personal life online, not my business, even I am suffering of it too, because after all it is my place and I can do whatever I want. It is just that sometimes I have the idea that people who put their lives completely in their blogs forget that it is NOT the life.


Once I read on Nick's blog his advice to someone bothering him too much "Get a life, start blogging", wow.. i love this thought, and it is a true one in a way because for most of us blogging has become an important part of our life. But the main word here is "PART". It is not LIFE like some people must be thinking.

Why I am writing this now? Why should I bother? Personal is personal, absolutely not concerning me, but... There is always a "but", right? We consider ourself a society, blogger society, bloghopping is a normal thing, going from one blog to another is a norm, leaving comments for people we dont know and maybe never will know is a must, or at least a necessary part of blogging. But do we realize that our comments might have an influence on someone's life. That they might take decisions based on the idea of the most comments.

Now dont tell me that people are not so stupid to take comments of fellow bloggers as a handbook and follow them up to the last point. Actually some people are... Not stupid, but listening to these pieces of advice we give them. Because some of them are out here exactly for this - for getting some comfort, for getting advice, for letting someone make decisions instead of them.

Why do you write? For the sake of writing? For putting down what you feel? For calming yourself down? Because it helps you? Because it is like self-therapy? Just for fun? Do you want to be appreciated? Do you want people to agree with you? Show you that you are right in whatever you are thinking?

How many blogs are positive? I mean you happen to read blogs, good ones or bad ones, how many make a positive influence on you? How many make you smile? How many make you think? How many share positive emotions with you?

I dont know the statistics of blogs and I am even sure there is no statistics for this issue. But most of blogs I happen to come across while my aimless journey in net were DARK. Dark in the meaning of no light, no positiveness, no happiness. People keep telling themselves and the whole world that everything goes wrong and never ever will be the same as it should be. Lost love, bad managers, problems in family and in work. People lost the ability to be happy about small things, it is much more easier to cry and complain.

But the weirdest thing is that WE SUPPORT them in that. By coming by, seeing such a blog, reading a sad post and then saying to yourself: "This person needs comfort and help. And I can give him/her a part of myself, of my care, of my happiness". And we leave comments saying that everything will be better and that the managers are always bad, that the lost love was not worth them, that family should learn respect them and they just should ignore everyone scolding them. Nothing bad in such advice, isnt it? Just some more care shown, some love from different corners of the world, comfort and understanding.

The question is "How much GOOD does it really do?" Now please dont think about "How is it possible for my little sweet, nice message to hurt in any way"? Now give it a little thought: when your close friend keeps being obsessed with lost love ruining his/her love, what will you say?? Will you repeat that he/she should move on and dont think about the past, that their ex is not worth it, that you understand how they feel, thatsomething like "keep faith and hope", "dont worry, he will come back to you", "he just doesnt understand what he had lost", "try to make up with him", "do everything possible", "do what your heart says".

Will you?? Will you just let this person near you destroy yourself by being there in the past, by losing their identity? YOU WILL NOT!! But for someone you dont know personally you will leave a comment like this (all the above are comments of bloggers to one of such post). Where is the difference? We will shake up our dear and close friend telling them that they need help, they need their life back, they need to live, they need ... but we will leave some nice and sweet comment in someone's blog for the same and just leave?

When you leave comments do you believe in what you are saying? Do you think it might help? Do you know what will be the result? By leaving such "sweet" comments we make people weak.

They get illusionary assurance that they are right in their position, that they are victims of circumstances and deserve to be comforted, taken care of, loved. Well, hell, we all do but if we encourage this in such people they will stop to struggle, they will think thats the way the world goes like "I will cry and people will come and help me". And by thinking that we help, sometimes we only make everything worse.

And by leaving a different comment, different from the one expected, when you try REALLY help and not just cry along with that person, you are the one who is not welcome anymore ..sometimes only because all you have said was the TRUTH! People dont like the truth, they like and long for sweet lies which makes them feel important. But do we need lies to feel important? Arent we already important? For ourselve, for our families, our friends?

You know the answer, dont you?

Now, just a humble request for all reading this post.. Next time when you leave a comment for someone, think if you are saying the truth going from your heart, trying really to help... or you are just saying something nice and sweet in order not to hurt a person you grew close to in Bloggerville. The choice is all yours... All I want to say is "Sometimes... in order to heal you need to hurt".