Sunday, December 02, 2007

In order to Heal you Need to Hurt

Life can be unpredictable sometimes. Hmm.. what i am saying ... it is not exactly so, life is unpredictable almost always and sometimes goes the way we less expect or dont expect at all. But the most beautiful things in our lives come as unexpected ones. So it was very unexpected for me, or better to say "for my blog", to be awarded as best love related blog :D

Ok-ok, I myself also wondered first time what does my blog have to do with LOVE, but like Sami said it is UNIVERSAL LOVE and I would agree with her here. Now about the person who presented me (read: my blog) such a wonderful Award: this is Mauro from Portugal who happened to run a blog dedicated completely to love which consists of love messages from people all over the world. And the main idea is to collect one million love messages! And you can also leave messages for people you love and care about there, sharing the happiness and your feelings with the whole world!! :)

And when I received this award I thought about something that kept my mind busy for the last couple of weeks, I just want to dedicate one post in the week to LOVE. No matter what the subtopic of it might be but the main topic will be LOVE itself. Dont know about the day but it might be Tuesday or Wednesday, something like Love Ramblings :D Anyways will try not to be trite there :) that much about love! and awards!

Now back to my blog. I have so much to write about that it might take many posts but I guess not today. So let me just start and we will see together where I end, if I end at all, which is also quite possible.

Today I was supposed to work, but ended up watching "Heroes", just couldnt stop. OMG - that took a lot of my time which was saved for some office stuff. Huh!! Lazy person I am, my fault only, but at least I enjoyed and finally finished the first season :) Thats the most important thing I guess, when you know that you have had a great time even though you know you will have to work harder in order to catch up with things!

Anyways that was just a short digression and now I will start with something that really occupies my mind. And no wonder that this time it is blogging. I mean when you keep blogging you come to think what to blog about. Why you blog, what you blog about, who reads you, who comments, why they do it?

I do not want to talk about people who keep blogs for some professional needs or for earning money. I am talking about those of us, who keep their personal blogs and try to maintain them on a good level. Why are people do this? What is the main idea of blogging for you. I happened to read many blogs as of lately, but only few have this something in them that catches you and makes you read and read and read and come back to read again.

Why is the number of interesting personal blogs so low? Maybe because I myself personally am not interested in people's lives' details? Not that curious what is going on in the lives of people I dont know. What I mean is that people who keep personal blogs can be qualified into 2 big categories: the ones who show up their lives and the ones who share their thoughts, opinions, art. Not that i am against putting personal life online, not my business, even I am suffering of it too, because after all it is my place and I can do whatever I want. It is just that sometimes I have the idea that people who put their lives completely in their blogs forget that it is NOT the life.

Once I read on Nick's blog his advice to someone bothering him too much "Get a life, start blogging", wow.. i love this thought, and it is a true one in a way because for most of us blogging has become an important part of our life. But the main word here is "PART". It is not LIFE like some people must be thinking.

Why I am writing this now? Why should I bother? Personal is personal, absolutely not concerning me, but... There is always a "but", right? We consider ourself a society, blogger society, bloghopping is a normal thing, going from one blog to another is a norm, leaving comments for people we dont know and maybe never will know is a must, or at least a necessary part of blogging. But do we realize that our comments might have an influence on someone's life. That they might take decisions based on the idea of the most comments.

Now dont tell me that people are not so stupid to take comments of fellow bloggers as a handbook and follow them up to the last point. Actually some people are... Not stupid, but listening to these pieces of advice we give them. Because some of them are out here exactly for this - for getting some comfort, for getting advice, for letting someone make decisions instead of them.

Why do you write? For the sake of writing? For putting down what you feel? For calming yourself down? Because it helps you? Because it is like self-therapy? Just for fun? Do you want to be appreciated? Do you want people to agree with you? Show you that you are right in whatever you are thinking?

How many blogs are positive? I mean you happen to read blogs, good ones or bad ones, how many make a positive influence on you? How many make you smile? How many make you think? How many share positive emotions with you?

I dont know the statistics of blogs and I am even sure there is no statistics for this issue. But most of blogs I happen to come across while my aimless journey in net were DARK. Dark in the meaning of no light, no positiveness, no happiness. People keep telling themselves and the whole world that everything goes wrong and never ever will be the same as it should be. Lost love, bad managers, problems in family and in work. People lost the ability to be happy about small things, it is much more easier to cry and complain.

But the weirdest thing is that WE SUPPORT them in that. By coming by, seeing such a blog, reading a sad post and then saying to yourself: "This person needs comfort and help. And I can give him/her a part of myself, of my care, of my happiness". And we leave comments saying that everything will be better and that the managers are always bad, that the lost love was not worth them, that family should learn respect them and they just should ignore everyone scolding them. Nothing bad in such advice, isnt it? Just some more care shown, some love from different corners of the world, comfort and understanding.

The question is "How much GOOD does it really do?" Now please dont think about "How is it possible for my little sweet, nice message to hurt in any way"? Now give it a little thought: when your close friend keeps being obsessed with lost love ruining his/her love, what will you say?? Will you repeat that he/she should move on and dont think about the past, that their ex is not worth it, that you understand how they feel, thatsomething like "keep faith and hope", "dont worry, he will come back to you", "he just doesnt understand what he had lost", "try to make up with him", "do everything possible", "do what your heart says".

Will you?? Will you just let this person near you destroy yourself by being there in the past, by losing their identity? YOU WILL NOT!! But for someone you dont know personally you will leave a comment like this (all the above are comments of bloggers to one of such post). Where is the difference? We will shake up our dear and close friend telling them that they need help, they need their life back, they need to live, they need ... but we will leave some nice and sweet comment in someone's blog for the same and just leave?

When you leave comments do you believe in what you are saying? Do you think it might help? Do you know what will be the result? By leaving such "sweet" comments we make people weak.

They get illusionary assurance that they are right in their position, that they are victims of circumstances and deserve to be comforted, taken care of, loved. Well, hell, we all do but if we encourage this in such people they will stop to struggle, they will think thats the way the world goes like "I will cry and people will come and help me". And by thinking that we help, sometimes we only make everything worse.

And by leaving a different comment, different from the one expected, when you try REALLY help and not just cry along with that person, you are the one who is not welcome anymore ..sometimes only because all you have said was the TRUTH! People dont like the truth, they like and long for sweet lies which makes them feel important. But do we need lies to feel important? Arent we already important? For ourselve, for our families, our friends?

You know the answer, dont you?

Now, just a humble request for all reading this post.. Next time when you leave a comment for someone, think if you are saying the truth going from your heart, trying really to help... or you are just saying something nice and sweet in order not to hurt a person you grew close to in Bloggerville. The choice is all yours... All I want to say is "Sometimes... in order to heal you need to hurt".

26 added colors:

divya Sunday, December 02, 2007  

errr this comes straight from the attempts to heal or :)

Any offence if ur comments (even though it isnt what u really think) makes someone feel comforted and happy about it?

Most of the bloggers feel comfort in writing their thoughts and of course they long for appreciation..anybody does!! coz appreciation brings happiness with it.

but yes lena..u r order to heal..u need to hurt..and i did experience this in real :)

Lena Sunday, December 02, 2007  

appreciation and comfort are good, divs, and i have nothing against it, just sometimes we think that the person needs this and give it straight from the heart but we only do it worse encouraging the person to stay where they are now without any progress in life and personality :)

and sometimes you should not comfort but be more senseful and make the person change something instead of complaining

divya Sunday, December 02, 2007  

yep...thats right too...but even after knowing all this we still tend to make him/her feel better with healing words!! :D just cant help it :P

Eladio Osorio Montenegro Sunday, December 02, 2007  

Hello from the country of the Sun. Hello from Spain. I was looking at your blog and I liked much. If you want you can see mine in http: //

Lena Sunday, December 02, 2007  

i know what you mean dear, and that the way all the caring and loving hearts do, just sometimes these words are just not enough to drop the person out of darkness ... that is what i was going to say :)

Lena Sunday, December 02, 2007  

@ eladio: thank you very much :)
the thing is I dont know spanish, so not able to read your blog :(

Sameera Sunday, December 02, 2007  

Congratulations on the award darling,you more than deserve it for all the love that exudes from this blog :)

As for the content,it was one hell of a post!Irrespective of what others might say,you have told it all like how it should be said!Hats off to you dearie!

It takes a lot of analysis and thoughtfulness to be so caring so as to know when to hurt in order to heal.Many people just put up such comments of sympathy mostly due to lack of time or cause they simply skim through the post.Whatever the reason be,when commenting,one should think about the effect it will happen on the other person's psychology.

Sad that instead of being here for the purpose of "writing",many are out to only pelt out their feelings here in Bloggerville.But then,it its one's life and one's right and no one is the same.

Guess it is upto us to discern and tread carefully without getting into any kind of conflicts or unpleasant situations and to dish out the best we can and are capable of!

Love ya.Hugsss

Lena Sunday, December 02, 2007  

Sami, dear, you just put my long long longgggggggggg post into very very very short of yours :) :) :)
thank you dear for understanding and appreciation.
And yes, if we dont know when to hurt in order to heal then it is better to leave things as they are in order not to make it worse.
Yes, sometimes a comforting word can do the job, but sometimes it will not be enough :)
But I know that you know what I think about it!! :)

take care, sweetie!
love you!

Nick Phillips Monday, December 03, 2007  

Wow, what a post. Great reading though and congrats on the award.

Lena Monday, December 03, 2007  

lol.. Nick, muct be a struggle to read it up to the end :D
Thank you :) :) :)

Have a great week!

Karthick Monday, December 03, 2007  

Hey Lena! Great Posting and nice blog :). Keep continuing your good work, but the light background color makes little difficult to read otherwise its GREAT and fantastic. Worth reading yours.

Lena Monday, December 03, 2007  

@ Karthick:
thank you very much for your advice, once i get more time i might do some changes about the template :)
And thanks for dropping by, you are welcome back anytime :)

Bubbles of FireWhisky Monday, December 03, 2007  

very well said... i think i knw nw y it ws so hard 2 let go f mum... i nvr gave myslf d time 2 hurt...

beautifully written...

Anonymous,  Monday, December 03, 2007  

Long post, would come back soon for detailed comment :)

Sam Monday, December 03, 2007  

gawd!!!! dat ws a lot.. adn frankly i hafta agree with u der... i mean if u luk at it.. most blogs r negative... soem do blog to give vent to their thoughts which they r not able to articulate wen tlaking to others.. maybe the sense of anonymity does the trick.. some do turn arnd..a dn some well they simply paly wid as i learnt from a blog frnd of mine....
but the long and short is this... the ones which i personally enjoy reading are ones which have a good style.. and do not write crap.... a good blog.. needs a good content.. a good way of putting up the thought... wotever it might be... nad finally a good getup....

anonme Monday, December 03, 2007  

i came into bloggerville with an idea of waking up the latent writer in me!
but one thing led to another, i became a rambler too! i realise that most of my blog is about me and my life and sometimes i am just whiny!
but wat i meant to do with my blog is to encourage myself, inspire my own self.. and i found a lot of good friends here too!
and i have healed lena cos i was hurt in the beginning!
anyways, the appreciative comments encourage the writer in me not the whiner!

i just loved ur post and dear, it got me thinkin on how positive i can make my life..
it is blogs like urs that give that added boost i need!
and pls hon i am not tellin this to make u feel good, i am tellin it cos they are true!
very well deserved award! congratulations!!

Lena Monday, December 03, 2007  

Mann, thank you :)
And yes, sometimes when we go through pain, or even let ourselves go through pain we can be healed... meaning that we shouldnt keep emotions inside :)
Take care and wish you will never ever be hurt :)

Lena Monday, December 03, 2007  

you are welcome back, ashu, anytime :)

Lena Monday, December 03, 2007  

agreed with what you said, Sam :)
And since you are here commenting on my post should i consider my blog as up to the level? lolz

thanks for visiting, take care :)

Lena Monday, December 03, 2007  

hey, sweets, dont be silly, yours is one of the most brightest blogs i have come across. And we all drop into ramblings about personal life, thats ok, after all it is our place where we write what we feel and nobody can stop us ever :P

I only meant blogs that have dark aura, the ones where people only cry and cry and cry complaining about how bad and unfair life is... and about readers who encourage their thinking by leaving comforting comments.

And I know that your comments come straight from the heart, silly girl :) :)

I never knew you as a whiner, only as a writer, sweets :)
Take good care of yourself and good luck with exams (someone was supposed to be studying!!! )

rOhit Tuesday, December 04, 2007  

Yes it was long.. phew..
But then quite thoughtful and meaningful .. you know off late I have been thinking A LOT about this, so could actually relate pretty much with your views. Agreed to almost every bit of it :)

And I must admit too, you really write wonderful. Because this is one of those few places where I actually got to read something which was thoughtful rather than normal pain n hurt

Excellent work.
Keep it up. lena :)

Shalini Gowrisankar Tuesday, December 04, 2007  

So much of thought has gone into this post I guess.. At times we need to hurt to heal , but I think its ok as long as it does good to the people who you care for coz at the end they will realise that you had to hurt for their good.

Have a great week and you surely deserve the award for your lovely blog!

Lena Tuesday, December 04, 2007  

thanks Rohit :)
i was afraid for getting some negative responses about this post but somehow most people seem to agree.

And I am glad you keep visiting my place :) :)

thanks for appreciation! :)

Lena Tuesday, December 04, 2007  

yes, shalini, you are right, after some point people realise that this hurting was done for good and it was meant as help only :)
Thank you :)

Norie Wednesday, December 05, 2007  

Hi lena! Fields are plowed to yield a better harvest. People are so afraid of the pain that cuts and needles will cause and think less about the cure.

You have a lovely blog. My best wishes...God bless you always. Thanks for visiting.

Lena Wednesday, December 05, 2007  

@ Norie:
being afraid of pain or not people can not deny that it is there and they have to eventually find the cure... alone or with help of those who care :)

Thanks for visiting!
And take good care! :)

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