It Is Raining

It is raining here. I love rains, but they make me think. So I am sitting here. Wondering. Thinking. About what has been. About what will be. Not about what is. I can’t change the past. I can’t control the future. Not now. I can change the present. Today. Or Tomorrow. Or even the day after. I am not sure I want to. I am rather sure I don’t want it. Maybe I should.

It is raining here. You can get outside. Get yourself totally soaked and dance in the rain. You can be happy for a moment, for an hour, for a day. Then you get back to reality. Reality makes you think. Reality makes you choose. And for every choice there is a price. I don’t want to pay the price now. I am not ready.

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Colors

Sometimes you need time to think. About your life, your decisions, your choices. You want to figure out what is good and what is bad. You desperately need to know where you stand. You feel like you are losing yourself in this crazy run for nothing. And all you want is just to find some colors in these drab realities of everyday life. You close your eyes to search for them. But when you open your eyes in the full conviction that yes, you finally got it, you know that trees are green and flowers are red, sky is blue and sun is so bright that it makes you happy, when you open your eyes being sure that everything will change now, it does not… all you see is the same dull reality and no colors.

That’s when you want to crawl into your bed, close your eyes and be left alone. Why? Because only then you can fight your own fears and insecurities. Only when the lights go off, you can let your thoughts out and fight with them in the silence of the night. Yes, you might be hurt, a little bruised, slightly broken, and most probably scared, but at the end of the day you still are there. And you still are fighting. And you will wake up the next morning and fight more. And you will get over it and find your colors. You will see that trees indeed are green and flowers are red. You will realize that the sky is blue and the sun is bright. And it will make you HAPPY.


Sometimes you really just want to be left alone. You want to shelter yourself in your bed, wrap yourself into the blanket and get a chance to stay one on one with your own thoughts.

But maybe sometimes we don’t have to think much… maybe sometimes we should just live, cross our fingers and hope for the best.

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Just Like That

Ok, yes, i have shamelessly stolen it because i have nothing better to post and since i have been replying to it all day somehow (is it a virus or something?) i think i got the right to post it here too and make my readers victims. One humble request, if you want to say something bad, DON'T, you better LIE! :D


Here are the questions:

1. Who are you?
2. Are we friends?
3. Something I have and YOU want?
4. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
5. Describe me in one word.
6. What was your first impression of me?
7. Do you still think that way about me now?
8. What reminds you of me?
9. If you could give me anything what would it be?
10. How well do you know me?
11. How do you see me in the future?
12. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn’t?
13. Are you going to post this in your blog and see what I say about you?


PS: sorryyyyyyyyyy, had to disable text selection, have been plagiarised a lot lately :(
Those who want still to copy the questions can do it here



PPS: for those who used to read my posts in reader, am really sorry but had to change to short feed because of plagiarism issues. Hope you all will understand :)

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Peace of Mind

Just thought of a short update. First of all, i am feeling better than ever. life is going good, very hectic with busy schedule, but still good and i am lucky to get positive emotions every day. Last one lasts even for couple of days now and i know i am late to write about it but who the hell cares. On Sunday after 15 years Russia again won Ice Hockey World Championship. In the final game in Canadian Quebeck playing against Canada these guys have done the IMPOSSIBLE and won gold medals. :) The celebrations here are going till today and it really brings a very good feeling to see all the adult and (in other days) serious people being like little kids and feeling proud for their own country after so many years.

Somehow I catch myself at the thought that i am smiling more these days, not sure what might be the reason but then again it feels very good. Just to be back to myself after couple of months of frustration. Might even be back to Tuesday Love Ramblings next week.

If someone still keeps visiting, you might have noticed i changed the name of the blog. It is now PEACE of MIND. Dont ask me why... i just felt like that. Needed a change. And i believe thats for the best. Hence the change in design. I know it is not looking the same in all browsers, am working on it.

My system at home crashed, might be some virus, though my antivirus didnt find any *sigh* Will take me up to few days to fix everything up, so no internet connection at home and i cant do much bloghopping from office, so i was irregular with blogs, now will be even less regular. Just bear with me, please :)

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Every Other Day of My Life

7am. I wake up, take a shower, have my breakfast, leave for the office. It is 7:50 am. I know I will be stuck in traffic and late for work again. Some 4-5 km far my office building my patience comes to a limit and I leave the bus and continue my way walking. it is 9 am. And i am already late but who cares. Well, my boss does. But I guess I will be forgiven again.

I am in the office, 9.20, mails, calls, annoyance, angry people, happy people, upset people, people that fight, people that cry, people that have no understanding. Gtalk says DND, as if anyone bothers. I change it to "Please only when really necessary. I am VERY BUSY". Seems people do not read status messages. Nevermind.

Lunch break, 1pm. Not hungry yet but making myself eat something just to survive through the day.

Working again. Reading something. Other mails, Other calls. Tired, sleepy, angry. Do not notice how it is already 6pm and office is over for today.

6.30pm. Tutoring. English grammar. Gerund. Participles, Tenses. Translations. Tired again. Looking at the clock. 10 more minutes till the end of the lesson. Talking about life, correcting mistakes, having fun.

7.30 pm. Leaving for home finally. Just popping into a supermarket to buy some fruits.

8.00 pm. Bus station, lots of busses come by, but not mine. Waiting for another 20 mins, then decide to walk. So what if it is some 15 km to my house? I can do it. At that moment the bus comes. Another 20 mins (no traffic jams) and i am almost home. Feeling tired but good.

9.00 pm. Home sweet home. Alex is asking if i got something for her. Fruits do not go, so I have to promise to buy a toy for her some other day. She feels happy. It is time for her to sleep. I kiss her good night and go to have my dinner. Trying to talk to mom meanwhile but too tired to bring out any sensible thoughts, she does not mind. She is tired, too.

9.20 pm. I get online. Start writing. Gtalk is clear. It says "DND>>WRITING". People do not care, I do not mind. These are people I love. No matter how tough the day has been, talking to them makes my day. Tired, sleepy, stressed but still staying on to write mails, to read blogs, to write my stories, to chat with people who care about me.

Midnight. Going to sleep. Fall asleep right after my head touches a pillow. You can call it baby sleep. Next time i open my eyes it is 7 am and I think "God, why are you doing this to me? I so do not want to start it over again." But I do. And the day starts new.

Every other day of my life.

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Click.... and You're Gone...

One awesome thing about living in 21st century is that with one click of a button you can make a person disappear from your life like they never have been there.

Bothersome photos? no problem... click.. and they're gone.
Click... and all the chats are gone.
Click... and all the pics are in trash.
Click... and the phone number is deleted from the cell.
Click... and the person does not exist in any of social communities.
Click... click... click... and it is all over.

One can almost erase a chapter from one's life by doing this.
But how do you erase memories? I wish we could...

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Show You Care

I feel the capacity to care is the thing
which gives life its deepest significance.

- Pablo Casals

Caring - feel and exhibit concern and empathy for others
- from one of online dictionaries

Image: Allposters.com

How many truly caring people you have met in your life?
The ones that unconditionally care for people around them.
The ones who dont think about making the world better
but still are doing this.
The ones who are there for you to give support
even though you have not stated you need it.

People who ask "How are you?" and actually want to know this.
People who will stay in touch no matter what because they need to be sure you will be fine.

Someone who would call you on your bad day few hours after you left them in the office/school/cafe just to make sure you are feeling better.
Someone who will be there for you when you want them to be... and even when you dont want to.

Living for others, giving them comfort, support, love, understanding?

Whenever I have been told the best in me is a caring nature i always thought "What a big deal? Most people have!!" Today i was told it is a big deal because unfortunately i was mistaken and it has become a rare quality in people. I wonder why?

Caring is giving. It makes you a better person. It makes your world a better one. It makes the world of people you love better. It makes the big world out there BETTER.

Show you care.
A candle loses none of its light by lighting another candle.




**UPDATE**
I have abandoned my Tag friday last week so decided not to repeat the same this time and have one tag less now.. you can read it at http://eachgoodday.blogspot.com/

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For Better or For Worse

Life can be ironic at times. Haven't you wondered how a change in the life of someone close to you changes your life too. You wake up in the morning and it is your world, you know what you will do, what to expect, what will happen in a month, in a year. It is not like you are planning every minute in your life. It is just that there is some basic schedule your life runs after. And you are used to this schedule and you dont have to like or dislike it. You just know it is there.

But then you get to know that the life of someone you love has taken a completely a different direction and you are happy for them, you really are, but slowly you realise that it affects you more than you thought originally. It changes your life in a way you never expected.

Just few hours and life is not the same anymore. And you are confused there wondering what to do, where to go, what will happen now. And all the plans you had before are gone because now you have to start making another plans and you even dont know for how long they will be there, because maybe tomorrow you will wake up and something is changed again. As the only constant life can offer you is CHANGE.

And now for the first time in the last few months i feel helpless. Actually it is a complicated mixture of feelings.... anger, happiness, unawareness, frustration, fear, joy... Also because i wanted this change in their life. Almost every day i wished something like that would happen. And now it did and i dont know how to react.

And i know for sure that the change in this person's life is for good and it might make good changes in my life too but it also will affect in some way people i love, good or bad, it is not written yet, but it will..

I wonder how is it possible how in just few hours someone's life is changed completely and in another few hours it makes a complete mess out of my thoughts.

Maybe sometimes things have to change. And maybe sometimes they're for the better. Or for worse. Depends on us what we will write on this new blank page of our life.

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If they don't have chocolate in heaven, I ain't going

If They don't have Chocolate in Heaven, I ain't Going ...or 8 Random Facts about Me and My life


Recently (ok, ok, It was really not recently but quite some time ago ... huh!! really sorry for being late) I have been tagged by Preetilata about 8 Random Facts.. i guess each and everyone knows about this tag, have done it him/herself or have read it somewhere :D

But for those who have doubts about what it might be I still post the tagging rules here:

1. When tagged you must link to the person who tagged you.
2.Then post the rules before your list, and list eight random facts/habits about yourself.
3. At the end of the post, you must tag and link to eight other bloggers.

That is how the rules were presented by Preetilata and this way I am going to continue.

Usually I dont talk about myself and let the others speak, this time I just dont have a way out. Then the question is only how to pick these 8 RANDOM facts, how can I choose something random if for me each and everything is the central point. After all that is me we are talking about :D

Ok-ok, long introduction, I better start now, otherwise you will just fall asleep even before i mention the first fact :P

1. I was born on the 8th March, Women International Day... huh!! International day which is not internationally celebrated but still well known is some countries. Not much fun, believe me. I dont like this day....not my birthday but this Interational Day which replaced my birthday ... though a good point is that all the countries which recognize Women Day celebrate my birthday :D **kidding**

2. I want to have magic powers, I guess that is the influence of all the magic books and watching "Charmed" too much. But who cares. There is no rule that we can not dream :)

3. I cry when i watch sad movies.... and I cry when i watch happy ones.. I guess I am just too senti. Now please dont make me feel embarassed and please never mention this fact. ;)

4. I was supposed to become IT Professional. All my teachers in high-school were sure about it, and they knew what they were talking about. But see, I never choose the easiest ways and went some tough road to become what I am now... And it is.... NOT IT Professional :D No regrets, i love it this way, just sometimes wonder what I might have become if i had chosen another way.

5. I started to read when I was 4... and can not stop till now, to the big regret of my month salary, because books are expensive stuff.

6. I believe in true Friendship, and it is exactly Friendship with a capital "F". I think one can not have 100 friends like in their friends lists in different communities. And for me it does not matter if I met the person in "real" life or not. Trust and level of understanding is all that matters. :)

7. I love arguing. OMG... when I start this I just can not stop. And sometimes am proving the opinion which I personally strongly disagree... Like when someone says "white is white" I wll try to prove that "white is black" and believe me, I will succeed!!

8. I love London. Thats my favourite city of all. And I had known it long before i visited it. Once I made my first step there I knew it is my LOVE. Not Paris, not Moscow, not any other city on this planet but L.O.N.D.O.N!!


I guess these were 8 facts, so I will not add, that I love chocolate, can not sing, took dance lessons in high-school, hate to get up early, love quotes, forget small details but remember phone numbers... Instead of telling all this I will tag now:

Akila
Ameya
Bizarre Kid
Divya
Preetha
Shashi


And believe me I can count.. at least up to 8 :P
And I know I have not named 8 people...
Bad luck, seems like everyone else in my blogroll has done this tag already.

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