In order to Heal you Need to Hurt

Life can be unpredictable sometimes. Hmm.. what i am saying ... it is not exactly so, life is unpredictable almost always and sometimes goes the way we less expect or dont expect at all. But the most beautiful things in our lives come as unexpected ones. So it was very unexpected for me, or better to say "for my blog", to be awarded as best love related blog :D



Ok-ok, I myself also wondered first time what does my blog have to do with LOVE, but like Sami said it is UNIVERSAL LOVE and I would agree with her here. Now about the person who presented me (read: my blog) such a wonderful Award: this is Mauro from Portugal who happened to run a blog dedicated completely to love which consists of love messages from people all over the world. And the main idea is to collect one million love messages! And you can also leave messages for people you love and care about there, sharing the happiness and your feelings with the whole world!! :)

And when I received this award I thought about something that kept my mind busy for the last couple of weeks, I just want to dedicate one post in the week to LOVE. No matter what the subtopic of it might be but the main topic will be LOVE itself. Dont know about the day but it might be Tuesday or Wednesday, something like Love Ramblings :D Anyways will try not to be trite there :) that much about love! and awards!

Now back to my blog. I have so much to write about that it might take many posts but I guess not today. So let me just start and we will see together where I end, if I end at all, which is also quite possible.

Today I was supposed to work, but ended up watching "Heroes", just couldnt stop. OMG - that took a lot of my time which was saved for some office stuff. Huh!! Lazy person I am, my fault only, but at least I enjoyed and finally finished the first season :) Thats the most important thing I guess, when you know that you have had a great time even though you know you will have to work harder in order to catch up with things!

Anyways that was just a short digression and now I will start with something that really occupies my mind. And no wonder that this time it is blogging. I mean when you keep blogging you come to think what to blog about. Why you blog, what you blog about, who reads you, who comments, why they do it?

I do not want to talk about people who keep blogs for some professional needs or for earning money. I am talking about those of us, who keep their personal blogs and try to maintain them on a good level. Why are people do this? What is the main idea of blogging for you. I happened to read many blogs as of lately, but only few have this something in them that catches you and makes you read and read and read and come back to read again.

Why is the number of interesting personal blogs so low? Maybe because I myself personally am not interested in people's lives' details? Not that curious what is going on in the lives of people I dont know. What I mean is that people who keep personal blogs can be qualified into 2 big categories: the ones who show up their lives and the ones who share their thoughts, opinions, art. Not that i am against putting personal life online, not my business, even I am suffering of it too, because after all it is my place and I can do whatever I want. It is just that sometimes I have the idea that people who put their lives completely in their blogs forget that it is NOT the life.


Once I read on Nick's blog his advice to someone bothering him too much "Get a life, start blogging", wow.. i love this thought, and it is a true one in a way because for most of us blogging has become an important part of our life. But the main word here is "PART". It is not LIFE like some people must be thinking.

Why I am writing this now? Why should I bother? Personal is personal, absolutely not concerning me, but... There is always a "but", right? We consider ourself a society, blogger society, bloghopping is a normal thing, going from one blog to another is a norm, leaving comments for people we dont know and maybe never will know is a must, or at least a necessary part of blogging. But do we realize that our comments might have an influence on someone's life. That they might take decisions based on the idea of the most comments.

Now dont tell me that people are not so stupid to take comments of fellow bloggers as a handbook and follow them up to the last point. Actually some people are... Not stupid, but listening to these pieces of advice we give them. Because some of them are out here exactly for this - for getting some comfort, for getting advice, for letting someone make decisions instead of them.

Why do you write? For the sake of writing? For putting down what you feel? For calming yourself down? Because it helps you? Because it is like self-therapy? Just for fun? Do you want to be appreciated? Do you want people to agree with you? Show you that you are right in whatever you are thinking?

How many blogs are positive? I mean you happen to read blogs, good ones or bad ones, how many make a positive influence on you? How many make you smile? How many make you think? How many share positive emotions with you?

I dont know the statistics of blogs and I am even sure there is no statistics for this issue. But most of blogs I happen to come across while my aimless journey in net were DARK. Dark in the meaning of no light, no positiveness, no happiness. People keep telling themselves and the whole world that everything goes wrong and never ever will be the same as it should be. Lost love, bad managers, problems in family and in work. People lost the ability to be happy about small things, it is much more easier to cry and complain.

But the weirdest thing is that WE SUPPORT them in that. By coming by, seeing such a blog, reading a sad post and then saying to yourself: "This person needs comfort and help. And I can give him/her a part of myself, of my care, of my happiness". And we leave comments saying that everything will be better and that the managers are always bad, that the lost love was not worth them, that family should learn respect them and they just should ignore everyone scolding them. Nothing bad in such advice, isnt it? Just some more care shown, some love from different corners of the world, comfort and understanding.

The question is "How much GOOD does it really do?" Now please dont think about "How is it possible for my little sweet, nice message to hurt in any way"? Now give it a little thought: when your close friend keeps being obsessed with lost love ruining his/her love, what will you say?? Will you repeat that he/she should move on and dont think about the past, that their ex is not worth it, that you understand how they feel, thatsomething like "keep faith and hope", "dont worry, he will come back to you", "he just doesnt understand what he had lost", "try to make up with him", "do everything possible", "do what your heart says".

Will you?? Will you just let this person near you destroy yourself by being there in the past, by losing their identity? YOU WILL NOT!! But for someone you dont know personally you will leave a comment like this (all the above are comments of bloggers to one of such post). Where is the difference? We will shake up our dear and close friend telling them that they need help, they need their life back, they need to live, they need ... but we will leave some nice and sweet comment in someone's blog for the same and just leave?

When you leave comments do you believe in what you are saying? Do you think it might help? Do you know what will be the result? By leaving such "sweet" comments we make people weak.

They get illusionary assurance that they are right in their position, that they are victims of circumstances and deserve to be comforted, taken care of, loved. Well, hell, we all do but if we encourage this in such people they will stop to struggle, they will think thats the way the world goes like "I will cry and people will come and help me". And by thinking that we help, sometimes we only make everything worse.

And by leaving a different comment, different from the one expected, when you try REALLY help and not just cry along with that person, you are the one who is not welcome anymore ..sometimes only because all you have said was the TRUTH! People dont like the truth, they like and long for sweet lies which makes them feel important. But do we need lies to feel important? Arent we already important? For ourselve, for our families, our friends?

You know the answer, dont you?

Now, just a humble request for all reading this post.. Next time when you leave a comment for someone, think if you are saying the truth going from your heart, trying really to help... or you are just saying something nice and sweet in order not to hurt a person you grew close to in Bloggerville. The choice is all yours... All I want to say is "Sometimes... in order to heal you need to hurt".

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In my my life I've learned so much
Just to look and not to touch
Smile now to hide the pain
Pretend there's sunshine when there's rain
Mind the time you spend with friends
Because all new beginnings have their ends
In my life I've learned a lot
Not everything is worthy of being fought
The end of a rainbow doesn't mean a pot of gold
Always let someone warm you when you're cold
Always remember life is a gift
When you're walking alone a friend will give you a lift.
In my life I've learned a bit
You'll never get a point if you don't take the hit
That sometimes it's okay to be alone
But to know there's always comfort back at home
Dreams shouldn't die as we grow wise
The truth is always found in another's eyes
In my life I haven't learned as much as I thought
But I'm proud because I 've learned what nobody's taught.

**found in net, author unknown

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Cursed City

This was written on the same day as the previous one, but i was too lazy to post it here :D

“Hey, Mike, where are you?” – Mary couldn’t get rid of the thought that she won’t be able to find the brother. She has been looking for him since the morning and it was already 4pm and still no sign of a little devil. When Mike doesn’t want to be found nobody will manage to find him. Nobody except may be Mary, his twin-sister. They say it right; twins have this special connection with each other and can feel each other better than anyone else can do. But today this connection just didn’t work. Mary wasn’t able to find her brother. And exactly today was the day when she needed to do it quickly, their family was leaving the city.

In fact their family was one of the last still staying in the city and Mary was pretty much scared because she didn’t know what to expect. Life has changed recently, everyone was scared, people kept saying that the city was cursed. Cursed…. When Mary though about it she considered it might be the truth. Weird things started happen in the city. It began about 2 weeks ago. When the little child of the Strawns got sick and they had to get him to the hospital. Nobody paid attention, really. Children are children. They eat forbidden stuff, play in cold water and do each and everything to make themselves sick. That’s why nobody cared when this little imp got into the hospital. Actually at first people even didn’t notice.

The rumours started later. When other children in the town also got sick. First they thought, nothing serious, epidemic. Then, the old Marcus Timbald died. Of course, you can say he was old and it was his time. But he never had any health problems and could live at least one hundred years more. Just one day he didn’t come out of his nice white house and nobody even cared what happened until someone (who was it by the way? no, Mary couldn’t remember now) found the dead body of Marcus. And even then people didn’t talk much about this. They only whispered that’s it is not that much good when too many bad things happen at once.

And then it started. If someone fell down he immediately broke an arm or a leg. If someone had to drive a car, he got into accidence. If people planned picnics outside there was a storm. If children went to a playground it was surely destroyed and absolutely not possible to be used. People started to talk about it, first only with their family members, sharing their fears and doubts, then with neighbours, then with friends, with the friends of friends and soon the whole city was humming, trying not to get too much scared, not to panic.

But where is unexplained matter there is is a newspaper hunting for sensations. And where is newpaper with “The City is Cursed” – Title on its front page, there is panic. People got scared and didn’t care that they leave everything behind. All they wanted to do was to move out as soon as possible, to leave this city, to start a new life in a less dangerous place. In their hurry they only argued, fought and made everything worse. Not a single good word has been heard in this city in the last couple of weeks. Not that it was there ever before. People just stopped being nice to each other, to save their own lives was the only thing that mattered.

Mary and Mike’s family was one of the last who still were staying in the city and probably the only one which didn’t suffer from all this weird happenings. Nobody broke any part of the body, nobody got into accidence, nobody was sick. Happily for them. Though depends on the point of view. Other citizens also noticed that the luck was with this family and came out with the suggestion that it was them who cursed the city. “Rubbish talk”, thought Mary. – “Why should they, and more than that how could they possibly do this?” But it wasn’t the problem now, all she should do now was to find Mike.

“Mike!” – she kept shouting. “Come on, we need to get home, it’s about time.” Suddenly she saw a move, a few feet away from her someone was hiding behind the tree. Could be a cat or a dog, thought Mary, but then remembered that the pets left the city even earlier. When she thought about it, she realized it was even before this whole “cursed”-thing had started. “Weird,” – thought Mary, but couldn’t make this thought keep there for a while because she finally saw her twin-brother.
“There you are, Mike” – she cried. “I’ve been looking for you since morning. Come on, we need to get out of here. The city is cursed”
“It is not, sis. And I won’t go anywhere. We are perfectly safe here”
“Hey, dumbo, haven’t you heard that this city isn’t for living anymore, people leave it, we need too. It is cursed.”
But Mike was stubborn. “I know what I am talking about. This city is fine. It is all about people”
“What is about people? Mike, what are you talking about, we need to get out of here”

But Mike even didn’t move. He sat down under the tree and prepared for the long talk. Mary didn’t like it. She knew that when Mike had such a face expression it wasn’t good. Well, it was good because it meant he had a point to discuss and had his arguments. But it wasn’t good right now when she was so scared and wanted to leave this place. But she knew her brother and knew he won’t even move until they have the talk. Looking into his face now she suddenly felt good. He seemed to be sure about all this, like he knew they were not in any danger. And she believed him. May be it was because of this special twin-connection, or because of the love they all shared in their family but she felt she is safe now and was thankful to her brother for giving her this feeling of security.

But the talk was still due. She sighed but sat down near her brother. “Ok, now say,” – she demanded. Mike looked at her curiously as if checking is she ready for a serious talk or not. Finally he broke silence.
“Do you remember how it all started?”
“Sure, I do, this small child got sick and then…”
“No, no, no”, - Mike interrupted her impatiently. – “Think, it was even before. What happened before?”
“I don’t understand,” – Mary spoke perplexedly.
“Dogs…. and cats”, he tried to give her a hint.
“What’s wrong with them?” – wondered Mary. Then she realized. “They left the city even before their owners! But why?” – she looked curiously at brother waiting for an answer but the boy didn’t hurry up to help her with that. Realizing he won’t give her much help here she started to think aloud. “People make pets. Why? Because they feel lonely, or because they need to share their love with someone and because they want their children to play with them. That’s all about care, and care is all about love. Why do the pets leave their homes? Because they don’t get what they need anymore. And what is this thing they don’t get? Hmm… that’s a bit tough. Oh Nooo!! that’s not tough at all,” – exclaimed she. – “They missed on love. They don’t get love and then they go elsewhere to look for it”. She again glanced at her brother only to make sure her guess was a right one. And it was!

Her brother smiled at her. “Look,” – he said. - “The city has been missing on love, everyone has become too selfish, they even didn’t care about their own children. When the old Marcus died, nobody even cared and he knew everyone here, he went to school with ones, played football with others, told stories to the kids. He was the heart of this city and when he died they even didn’t notice!”
“But then all these accidences, illness, it can’t be because of love only. Or rather the lack of it”
“Think, my dear sister, think. When did you heard last time the nice friendly word in this city? When did you see the friends talking cheerfully and playing pranks on each other, when did you see people smiling at you, sharing anything positive with you?? No love, no smiles, no positiveness. Everything is black. Animals felt it before us and left. People try to leave the city but it won’t change anything, their minds should be changed, the way they feel.”
“But…. how?” – Mary was confused.
“If it is not a curse, then it can be changed, right, sweetheart?” – Mike stood up, and headed into direction of their house.
Mary hurried up after him crying “How?”
He turned back and smiled: “There is the only way”
“Which way?”
“Love can grow only by sharing” – the answer was.
Mary smiled, may be for the first time in the last few months and noticed that the few of left in the city people smiled back at her.
“Love can only grow by sharing” she repeated and knew exactly what it meant.

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