Wednesday, August 22, 2007

back to work...

back to office... work is like crazy, people are somewhat stupid - probably because of all this unexpected heat - i cant bear it ...
and thats not much fun to be seniour staff - hehe - work pressure is really too much, deadlines come one after another.. though i guess i lie - it is sooooooooooooooo fun!!! I love it!!
the only bad thing i dont manage to chat with people, even after office am too tired to do this.. though they dont show much interest too :D - sorry, kidding only :)
and again sorry got to do work!!! :P
and sorry for saying sorry ;) - and for using that much sorries too :P
there is one more bad thing, but then if i dont talk about it then it seems like everything is fine :)
ok, leaving now!


In my my life I've learned so much
Just to look and not to touch
Smile now to hide the pain
Pretend there's sunshine when there's rain
Mind the time you spend with friends
Because all new beginnings have their ends
In my life I've learned a lot
Not everything is worthy of being fought
The end of a rainbow doesn't mean a pot of gold
Always let someone warm you when you're cold
Always remember life is a gift
When you're walking alone a friend will give you a lift.
In my life I've learned a bit
You'll never get a point if you don't take the hit
That sometimes it's okay to be alone
But to know there's always comfort back at home
Dreams shouldn't die as we grow wise
The truth is always found in another's eyes
In my life I haven't learned as much as I thought
But I'm proud because I 've learned what nobody's taught.

**found in net, author unknown


Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Now some update about life. Last week of this long long longggggggggggggggg vacation. Got tired of doing nothing. And it is truly absolutely nothing-doing. I am even too lazy to chat with people, may be also because the weather is killing me, when it is +30 in the early morning my weak russian soul (and most of all body) can hardly bear it!!
Health problems are still there, this matter seems not to be resolved any time soon. Grrrrrrrrr... hurrrrrrrrrrrrrr and furrrrrrrrrrrrrr at the very same time. Keep on diet but forget to eat, now make everyone keep reminding me on the matter of this "necessary taking meals at the very same time each and every day". HUH!!! Makes me crazy. Though as if i somewhen have been any different as crazy!! ;)
And i might finally get a normal internet connection with normal speed and even for less money. Though from the 1st September only, but still it is worth waiting :)
Anyways i got bored with this entry, so will start a new one in a while ;)
Keep waiting!! :)


Cursed City

This was written on the same day as the previous one, but i was too lazy to post it here :D

“Hey, Mike, where are you?” – Mary couldn’t get rid of the thought that she won’t be able to find the brother. She has been looking for him since the morning and it was already 4pm and still no sign of a little devil. When Mike doesn’t want to be found nobody will manage to find him. Nobody except may be Mary, his twin-sister. They say it right; twins have this special connection with each other and can feel each other better than anyone else can do. But today this connection just didn’t work. Mary wasn’t able to find her brother. And exactly today was the day when she needed to do it quickly, their family was leaving the city.

In fact their family was one of the last still staying in the city and Mary was pretty much scared because she didn’t know what to expect. Life has changed recently, everyone was scared, people kept saying that the city was cursed. Cursed…. When Mary though about it she considered it might be the truth. Weird things started happen in the city. It began about 2 weeks ago. When the little child of the Strawns got sick and they had to get him to the hospital. Nobody paid attention, really. Children are children. They eat forbidden stuff, play in cold water and do each and everything to make themselves sick. That’s why nobody cared when this little imp got into the hospital. Actually at first people even didn’t notice.

The rumours started later. When other children in the town also got sick. First they thought, nothing serious, epidemic. Then, the old Marcus Timbald died. Of course, you can say he was old and it was his time. But he never had any health problems and could live at least one hundred years more. Just one day he didn’t come out of his nice white house and nobody even cared what happened until someone (who was it by the way? no, Mary couldn’t remember now) found the dead body of Marcus. And even then people didn’t talk much about this. They only whispered that’s it is not that much good when too many bad things happen at once.

And then it started. If someone fell down he immediately broke an arm or a leg. If someone had to drive a car, he got into accidence. If people planned picnics outside there was a storm. If children went to a playground it was surely destroyed and absolutely not possible to be used. People started to talk about it, first only with their family members, sharing their fears and doubts, then with neighbours, then with friends, with the friends of friends and soon the whole city was humming, trying not to get too much scared, not to panic.

But where is unexplained matter there is is a newspaper hunting for sensations. And where is newpaper with “The City is Cursed” – Title on its front page, there is panic. People got scared and didn’t care that they leave everything behind. All they wanted to do was to move out as soon as possible, to leave this city, to start a new life in a less dangerous place. In their hurry they only argued, fought and made everything worse. Not a single good word has been heard in this city in the last couple of weeks. Not that it was there ever before. People just stopped being nice to each other, to save their own lives was the only thing that mattered.

Mary and Mike’s family was one of the last who still were staying in the city and probably the only one which didn’t suffer from all this weird happenings. Nobody broke any part of the body, nobody got into accidence, nobody was sick. Happily for them. Though depends on the point of view. Other citizens also noticed that the luck was with this family and came out with the suggestion that it was them who cursed the city. “Rubbish talk”, thought Mary. – “Why should they, and more than that how could they possibly do this?” But it wasn’t the problem now, all she should do now was to find Mike.

“Mike!” – she kept shouting. “Come on, we need to get home, it’s about time.” Suddenly she saw a move, a few feet away from her someone was hiding behind the tree. Could be a cat or a dog, thought Mary, but then remembered that the pets left the city even earlier. When she thought about it, she realized it was even before this whole “cursed”-thing had started. “Weird,” – thought Mary, but couldn’t make this thought keep there for a while because she finally saw her twin-brother.
“There you are, Mike” – she cried. “I’ve been looking for you since morning. Come on, we need to get out of here. The city is cursed”
“It is not, sis. And I won’t go anywhere. We are perfectly safe here”
“Hey, dumbo, haven’t you heard that this city isn’t for living anymore, people leave it, we need too. It is cursed.”
But Mike was stubborn. “I know what I am talking about. This city is fine. It is all about people”
“What is about people? Mike, what are you talking about, we need to get out of here”

But Mike even didn’t move. He sat down under the tree and prepared for the long talk. Mary didn’t like it. She knew that when Mike had such a face expression it wasn’t good. Well, it was good because it meant he had a point to discuss and had his arguments. But it wasn’t good right now when she was so scared and wanted to leave this place. But she knew her brother and knew he won’t even move until they have the talk. Looking into his face now she suddenly felt good. He seemed to be sure about all this, like he knew they were not in any danger. And she believed him. May be it was because of this special twin-connection, or because of the love they all shared in their family but she felt she is safe now and was thankful to her brother for giving her this feeling of security.

But the talk was still due. She sighed but sat down near her brother. “Ok, now say,” – she demanded. Mike looked at her curiously as if checking is she ready for a serious talk or not. Finally he broke silence.
“Do you remember how it all started?”
“Sure, I do, this small child got sick and then…”
“No, no, no”, - Mike interrupted her impatiently. – “Think, it was even before. What happened before?”
“I don’t understand,” – Mary spoke perplexedly.
“Dogs…. and cats”, he tried to give her a hint.
“What’s wrong with them?” – wondered Mary. Then she realized. “They left the city even before their owners! But why?” – she looked curiously at brother waiting for an answer but the boy didn’t hurry up to help her with that. Realizing he won’t give her much help here she started to think aloud. “People make pets. Why? Because they feel lonely, or because they need to share their love with someone and because they want their children to play with them. That’s all about care, and care is all about love. Why do the pets leave their homes? Because they don’t get what they need anymore. And what is this thing they don’t get? Hmm… that’s a bit tough. Oh Nooo!! that’s not tough at all,” – exclaimed she. – “They missed on love. They don’t get love and then they go elsewhere to look for it”. She again glanced at her brother only to make sure her guess was a right one. And it was!

Her brother smiled at her. “Look,” – he said. - “The city has been missing on love, everyone has become too selfish, they even didn’t care about their own children. When the old Marcus died, nobody even cared and he knew everyone here, he went to school with ones, played football with others, told stories to the kids. He was the heart of this city and when he died they even didn’t notice!”
“But then all these accidences, illness, it can’t be because of love only. Or rather the lack of it”
“Think, my dear sister, think. When did you heard last time the nice friendly word in this city? When did you see the friends talking cheerfully and playing pranks on each other, when did you see people smiling at you, sharing anything positive with you?? No love, no smiles, no positiveness. Everything is black. Animals felt it before us and left. People try to leave the city but it won’t change anything, their minds should be changed, the way they feel.”
“But…. how?” – Mary was confused.
“If it is not a curse, then it can be changed, right, sweetheart?” – Mike stood up, and headed into direction of their house.
Mary hurried up after him crying “How?”
He turned back and smiled: “There is the only way”
“Which way?”
“Love can grow only by sharing” – the answer was.
Mary smiled, may be for the first time in the last few months and noticed that the few of left in the city people smiled back at her.
“Love can only grow by sharing” she repeated and knew exactly what it meant.


Friday, August 10, 2007

A wish

Finally a story, written by me and not by someone else :)

A Wish

Very carefully, trying not to wake up the grandmother napping beside her bed Ann stood up, and came to the window. It was very late in night… she and grandma were reading an amazing magical story about not less amazing Cinderella.. and then they both fell asleep. Ann smiled when she remembered the discussion they had about who is the most wonderful hero of the story. The grandmother insisted it was Cinderella itself but Ann argued, how could it be possible - of course Cinderella was beautiful in her wonderful dress and new shoes but can it be compared to the magical fairy, the one who can make your wishes come true, the one who can light up your life by fulfilling the deepest and innermost desires of your heart.
Ann smiled. Her smile, the smile of innocent child, pure and beautiful, was like the smile of an angel, enlightening everything around, making believe that miracles happen.
Miracle… that was what Ann longed for, what she needed most of all. She looked out of the window. It was late October night, starlit night, dark sky was so close to Ann that the thought about taking one star from it and making a wish struck her mind .. Was it possible? Ann looked attentively if there was any star falling; she used to wish on stars though her wishes never came true. But today was a special night, the night to her seventh birthday, so may be she will be a bit luckier and her wish will be granted this time, but no, nothing like that. Stars stayed on their places smiling archly at her as if saying “No, dear Ann, we cant help you on this, that’s not our task, you have to wait patiently”.
How long does she have to wait? Since the death of her mother all she did was waiting. First, waiting for the mom to be back until she realized that mom didn’t leave her though she also didn’t stay with her the way she wanted her to be. Since that day when her mom had to go to the best world everything changed, her father had work in the other city and Ann had to stay with the grandmother. She loved cozy sweet evenings with her, it felt great to know that you are loved and taken care of, but even then somehow Ann missed something. You can say it was the presence of the mother but not, at least not in the way you thought about it. Her mother was always with her, showing her love and comfort for this little angel. In a way that not everybody can understand, but Ann always knew her mother didn’t leave her, she just took another place from where she can have a better chance to look after her daughter and to lead her a way that she was supposed to go.
No, it was her father that the girl was missing. Staying at the closed window on this beautiful October night the girl seemed so lonely and unprotected, that it was no wonder that someone out there decided to help her a little bit. It started snowing. Have you ever seen the first snow? That’s the most amazing thing nature has gifted us. Lonely beautiful snowflakes, so cold and so warm at the same time. Whirling or falling slow down, they just ask you to take them into your hand or even try on your tongue. Ann hesitated. Should she open the window and try to catch one of them. It was still cold outside and she was afraid the cold wind might wake up the grandmother. But the desire was so big that she couldn’t stop herself.
She opened the window, and caught the snowflake. Little angel was curious to talk to the snowflake. “Where are you from?” – she asked. “I am from a very very far place where everything is possible”, - replied Snowflake. Ann even didn’t wonder that the snowflake was talking to her.
“How are you doing?”
“I am good, but what about you, you seem to have some troubles, sweet child”
“No, really I am not, it is just…”
“I have a birthday tomorrow”
“I know”
“I am a magical snowflake, you should have guesses”
“Magicaaaaaaaal??” – wondered the girl. – “And you can make the wishes true?”
“Yes, I can, is there anything I can do for you?”
The girl smiled and started already to tell about her innermost wish. “Can you..”
But the Snowflake said: “No, that’s the only thing we can do, but you know that she is always with you, don’t you?”
“Yes, I do, but it is not the same..”. The girl smiled sadly.
“I know, sweet, I know. But there where she is now she can take better care of you, she can see every step of you, every second of your life, and she is always there to protect and to comfort you. Choose another wish, Ann”
Ann was so sad that she even didn’t notice that the Snowflake knew her by name.
“Then.. then.. I want my dad be back, it is my birthday and I miss him so much and he cant come, it is all about the weather, his plane cant take off and he wont manage it to my birthday. But you are magical, aren’t you? You can do this, can you?” – with the voice full of hope begged the little angel.
“I will see what I can do, sweet”, answered the Snowflake. “All you have to do is just to close your eyes very tight and wish from all your heart”
“Wish with all your heart….” repeated the small kid.
“Will you remember this?”
“Yes, I will”
“And now let me go, I have to go my way”
“And what is your way?”
“I will melt when I come to the ground and then will come back the next year, and who knows, may be we will get to talk next year to each other. And now you know what you should do”
Ann let the Snowflake fall down and melt…
Bumms... the book flied down and hit the ground. The grandmother opened her eyes, looked at the bed and noticed the girl wasn’t in. She wondered but didn’t have time to think about it as the door bell rang. She went to open the door.

Early morning…Ann felt that someonepick her up. Still sleeping she asked, “Dad, is that you?” And she even didn’t have to open her eyes to make sure. She knew that the Snowflake didn’t lie to her. It made her wish come true.


Friday, August 03, 2007

This JUST cant get any better.
NOT written by me.. just copy pasted it. (and stolen from another blog which obviously stole it from somewhere else, so the true author remains anonymous :P )

Here's a prime example of "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" offered by an English professor from the University of Phoenix:
The professor told his class one day: "Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. As homework tonight, one of you will write the first paragraph of a short story. You will e-mail your partner that paragraph and send another copy to me. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story and send it back, also sending another copy to me. The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back-and-forth. Remember to re-read what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent. There is to be absolutely NO talking outside of the e-mails and anything you wish to say must be written in the e-mail. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached."
The following was actually turned in by two of his English students: Rebecca and Gary.
(First paragraph by Rebecca)
At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of the question.
(Second paragraph by Gary)
Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17," he said into his transgalactic communicator. "Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..." But before he could sign off a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.
He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel," Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth, when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspaper to read, no television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully.
Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace disarmament Treaty through the congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized poor, stupid Laurie.
This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic semi-literate adolescent.
Yeah? Well, my writing partner is a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. "Oh, shall I have chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of F--KING TEA??? Oh no, what am I to do? I'm such an air headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele novels!"
Go drink some tea - *****.
*A+ - I really liked this one.*


Testimonial of experience

This one i have got today on orkut from a good friend.... took me some time to understand... hard to explain but you've got to understand it on your own... you might agree or disagree, just give it a thought :)

Forget what ya dont ve
Forget that ya dont
Just Forget It
Forget that you're afraid
Forget that u r
Dont panic
Forget that u r alone
Everyone's Alone
Think about It

Its alright, I know tht it aint easy, But thats life

We're all in thr dark
looking for the light
So dont ya worry....

Forget tht U cant Love
Forget tht U cant
Just forget it
Forget the reasons why
Forget the reasons
Can you do that
Forget that u r lost
Everyone gets lost in the Journey

Stop Take a look around you
Just stop maybe it'd be better'
If ya calm down
its alright...

This is ma lesson of life, i never explained anyone...took a lot of time ta put it in words...
And you wont look at the world the same anymore..


Thursday, August 02, 2007

We live.. we love.. we hurt

Dedicated to a very good friend, you know who you are, Mr. Devil :)

I have said something very wise today... not that i think it is something really wise but Neel thinks it is :D and since he wanted me to post it here i will do it so that we all could again think why it happens that we love some people even when they hurt us over and over again..
Life is a weird thing, we have few relationships that are important to us and we fail to maintain them the way we would like - without PAIN, without TEARS, without DISAPPOINTMENTS... but we do continue them because in the end they are all (i repeat ALL) what we have got :) ... People are going to hurt you every now and then, you are going to hurt them every now and then.. In the end everyone is getting hurt or hurts you, you are the one who decide wo is worth this pain ... thats impossible to avoid it.. we are not angels, rather devils in relationships with dear to us people...
From today's chat:
me: i dont like being hurt neither by you nor by someone else, and i hate the moments when someone has to say sorry .... but in any kind of relationships you cant do without it, you do hurt people, you make up for this, you try to be perfect for the ones you like/love, it doesnt work always but if we give up on someone we truly like and love, then what life it would be??
giving up after the first mistake is not a good thing, you know :)

How often we give up only because we think that people who loves us cant hurt us, they can, and in fact they will hurt us more than anyone else..... just because they are close to us, EXACTLY because of it!! But then what?? give up on them? say they are not worth us? Thats definitely the easiest way, but again .. if i would give up on everyone who hurt me i would have stayed alone with no people around... well when i think now, may be with the one only (yes, yes, am lucky to have such one in my life :)) ...
In my life i used to give people second chances, third chances.... twentieth chances... sometimes i was proved wrong, one time i made a big mistake in giving someone absolutely unworthy this second chance but mostly it paid off... Friendship is all about hurting, being hurt, forgiving, forgetting, being hurt again, crying, laughing about this stupid matters, forgetting, hurting... and so on..its a circle, has no end... pure second chances....But from every wound there is a scar, and every scar tells a story. A story that says, Friendship survived. Which means it all was worth it :)
And then you also know that despite everything when the moment comes... they will be there to help you when you are down, and if they can't, they will lay down beside you and listen...


Wednesday, August 01, 2007

Some more pics...

I just love these ones, so thought of posting pics here :)


Some Pics

I thought i havent posted pics for quite some time already, so have to correct this silly mistake of mine ;)

Here i go :)

That's Me and Me Only :)

And That's Alexandra


I am back!!!

Cant believe i finally made it to the blog... I mean the real blog entry... when i do write things and not just copy and paste :) **Still angry why Blogger doesnt apply any normal smilies here ... may be i just have to write to some Tech Support Service and COMPLAIN** Anyways, sorry for losing the track of the entry .. now back to it ...
I am on leave and it is sooooooooooooooooooooo boring, have given away all my money even the first week of it ... But thats what a FUN-Shopping ;) - really enjoyed it ... So now what.. visited all the friends, all the relatives, watched all the new movies, discussed all the hot topics, fought with few friends and got them back (happily for me :)) and still have almost 3 weeks of this LITTLE vacation... have really no idea What To Do :P
Ohh... btw.. i changed the name of the blog...Striving for happiness is not on the list anymore, considering that happiness is already inside of us and i more than just have it... :)
The only bad thing that happened that ...ok, will not talk about it as it definitely is getting better now, hope will be even better very very soon, at least am praying for that.
Keep this stupid medical treatment, meds, doctors, doctors, meds, check-ups.... sooooooooo boring :P But i have to otherwise it will be the same as it was few weeks ago when i got into the hospital... Ok, thats a sad topic again... :)
Alexandra was very sick today, actually is still very sick..that makes you feel so helpless when little children are sick, you cant do anything about it... Hope everything will be good by tomorrow...
And good news is that i finally got the last season of Charmed downloaded and even watched it, now done with the cute witches ...but definitely not for long... am thinking about staring to watch it from Season 1 again ;)
Ohh... and didnt i mention that i was soooooooooo busy translating the last Harry Potter book into Russian for my family... only finished yesterday, am soooooo proud of myself .. though the book itself left a bit disappointed.. but nevermind, was up to JKR to do it this way.. who am I to judge?
Am really sorry that this entry has become such a mixture of everything, but i dont see another way of writing an update about what is going on in my life.... as you see really not much, though finally got a chance to sleeeeeeeeeeeep as much as i wish, of course if Alexandra doesnt mind... but usually she does :P ... and thinks i've got to get up the moment she does, which means 8 am... Am definitely NOT ready for such kind of ACTION.... trying to explain the thing to her but i fail every time.. i only get to hear "Night is Over" ... hmmmm...
And Btw... seems i finally got rid of this stupid habit of using hehe and things like that ... though got some other stupid habits ;) but nooooo, they are definitely not THAT stupid ;)

Ok, ok, sorry for making you (whoever is readin this crap of mine :D) bored..... it is OVER...but

WILL BE BACK in few mins ;)


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