Feel really weird today. I can not say it is a feeling of laziness, just want to be left alone and not do anything at all.. Just close my eyes and being brought to some safe and empty place where no one could tell what and when to do.
Maybe it is just a feeling of being too tired - working without weekends right after the hospital dont make things easier but i really want things to be more simpler than they are. Sometimes i think everything is so much complicated that i do not know how to deal with it.
I try to manage things and everything seems to be alright but it is not as alright as i want them to be. It is just ok but ok is not really enough. Why cant everything be just SIMPLE. When you know what to do and how to do it, when you go straight your way and nobody stays in it making things more difficult than they are. Why do we have to depend on others. Why can i not just do things the way i want to... being diplomatic, trying to be nice and friendly to people who think they are allowed everything and anything! why cant i just close my eyes and stay away from all of them, going for a while to another universe - the one of my own. Why do we have all these responsibilities? And why can i not just take a small break.... It is really a weird feeling. It is a wish to be left alone but not a wish of loneliness, wanting time for yourself but not too far from anyone else. Being gone far away but not for long.... Dreaming your dreams but knowing they are just dreams. Living one day, one hour, one minute for yourself but not for someone else.
Wanting to cry but having no tears. Knowing that everything will be fine but still worrying about things... Life is weird, today is weird... and the only one wish i have at this very moment is impossible for right now because in the whole Universe (my Universe called my life) there is not a single place where i could be left alone.