Thursday, February 21, 2008

Are You Mature Enough?

Disclaimer 1: The post is long
Disclaimer 2: Some of you will not like it

As per Wikipedia’s definition maturity is a term used in psychology to indicate that a person responds to the circumstances or environment in an appropriate manner.

Now don’t wonder that I started the post with this definition. Recently I have come across much stuff out there in Bloggerville which made me think if people really have any idea of how a mature grown-up person should respond to the circumstances.

We all can agree that blogs have become a part of our lives. The importance of this part is quite individual and results in your own activity out there among other bloggers. But for all of us blogging has given something that we now can not give up on.

Why do you blog? That’s the question you might have heard many times and now you sure know how to answer this. Some of us have great ideas they want to share with the world, some seek comfort and understanding, some take blogging as a platform for building up new relationships. For many people it is a way to write down their emotions and feelings. It is a medium to deal with stress and problems in life either on professional or a personal level. Sometimes both. Some just like to write and then we become the first readers of first-class short stories or wonderful poetry.

As you see the reasons are quite different but yet we have to agree that blogging is there to help. And it does its job well. On the other hand you have to realize that since it is an open community and your posts might be read by many you should be a little bit more careful, a little bit more honest and a little bit more tolerant about what you say. Because it might affect some people in a way you never would have expected. And when some people realize they might influence the others because of their being popular and visited and what not, they start manipulating people forming their opinions and judgments by telling the half-truths or lies.

That is what made me write this post. How often we come across someone in Bloggerville who claims to be the victim of the circumstances being hurt, insulted, abused by the other blogger. And we comment supporting your blogger friend without even knowing that he/she just manipulated you and your friendly feelings for getting some comfort and support which obviously even make him/her believe they are really a victim. Do you know if they are?? Only because they said so…

All this made me think about what a MATURE blogger should be. And made me remember few facts from my blogging experience which maybe would help us realize the possible answer to this question. All the facts are real, not made up, I have witnessed them all on my own and tried to be as unbiassed and MATURE as possible.

** You are on a friendly terms with one of the bloggers, chat regularly and exchange mails until once you have a huge fight and long-live-our-friendship has gone forever. What you do? Stop visiting their blog and commenting on posts. Or would you rather write a hatred posts on them every now and then and mention how much they ruined your happy blogging time?

** You don’t like one of bloggers but you come across his/her comments in other blogs all the time. Will you just comment on the post itself and leave or will you in your comment indirectly insult the person who commented first giving hints to other bloggers to point out who you are talking about?

** Blogger A wrote a comment on your post, then Blogger B posted a comment about why Blogger A being from another country comments on some local issues which they have no idea about. All this sounds in abusive tone. As the owner of the blog you let things as they are or would ask Blogger B to be more tolerant to other opinions, read be more MATURE.

** Someone took you off from their blogroll. You will just ignore the fact (well, everyone has the right to read your blog or not to read) or will you post anonymous insulting and abusive comments saying that this blogger is the worst one you ever came across?? Well, if they are so bad, why you read them in the first place?

** You have some argument with one of bloggers. Heated discussion and nothing more though it went deep into a personal level and some things were said that you didn’t like. Will you just forget about it and move on or put the other blogger into the black list and never again talk to them?

** Someone visits you but does not comment for some reasons. Happens to each and every one of us, does it not? Will you just keep on writing or put the ip-address of the person in your blog saying that they should get lost or at least comment?

** You receive less comments than you expected (by the way, do you write for comments only?) and then you go to other people’s blogs and ask them why they are not seen lately in your page and not commented on your posts. What a MATURE way of attracting visitors. Don’t you realize people might just be busy or maybe just DO NOT WANT to read your blog but now they have to as you practically force them.

** The other variant of it is “Did anyone tell you bad about me. Is it why you don’t visit me anymore?” Man, what kind of crap is it? If I want to read someone I will read them no matter what others tell me. I do have my own opinion, don’t you?

** You write a comment on someone’s post where comments moderation is enabled. Your comment isn’t published. You do what? Ignore it, ask why it happened so or write a post on this matter asking your readers to give opinions on the thing they know nothing about because it is something that is going on between you and this other blogger. Don’t you want to get that you are NOT welcome at that place, that your comments are UNWANTED. Why don’t you act as a mature person and leave people in peace after so much negative stuff you already brought into their lives.

** Telling everyone that some bloggers fight with you and you are sick of them but keeping writing about them and mentioning them in every second posts of yours – what a healthy and mature way of ending up a war you once have started.

I could continue the list but want to add something which is rather personal. Many of you know that once I had issues with one of bloggers. This person left anonymous abusive comments on my blog and commented on my comments in other blogs rather than commenting on the posts itself. I cant say now I acted mature but I wrote a post about all this giving out the name of the blogger. I will not hide the fact that after this I lost some of my readers but it is really ok, because I stand up for what I believe and what I said was the truth only. The story didn’t end up after that post. This blogger contacted 2 of my friends asking them to tell me to remove their name from the post. It was a very long discussion and conversation between this person and my friends and my friends and me. I refused doing so. This person practically begged my friends to convince me and I have the proofs for this and finally even deleted those comments which made me write the post. I gave up only because of my lovely and sweet friends and I removed the name. That’s why it was a puzzle for me why this blogger now claims we bargained removing the name for them removing those comments and deleting their post written about my friend. What a way of manipulating the half-truths..

We are all grown up people and prefer being called mature and wise. Then why don’t we start acting mature and wise and moving on to a new stage of our lives leaving all the bad stuff behind, stop judging others and manipulating people who have trust in us.

Because I know one truth for sure: People do not like being manipulated.
And now you open at least one truth to yourself: Are you mature enough?

Related posts:
Find Me Guilty
An Open Letter

32 added colors:

Nick Phillips Thursday, February 21, 2008  

Hey Lena, it's good that you stand up to what you believe is right.

I believe the reason why I blog is that I find it's a place where I can put thought to paper or rather to a server somewhere (LOL).

And if people do want to find or even cause trouble with my blogging habits or comments or whatever, I'll give them hell ... LOL!

*~*Sameera*~* Thursday, February 21, 2008  

Way to go sweetheart!

You said it all there.Such jerks will never learn and they will only keep on ranting about all sorts of crap and expect others to honor that.As for making others' lives miserable,tell me about it!Anyways,there is a limit to which such people can affect others and once they cannot who cares a damn about them.

It's high time such people get a life of their own and learn to LIVE.

Keep up the wonderful work Darling,this world needs more of people like you.Love ya loads.Hugsssss

anonme Thursday, February 21, 2008  

Well lena, on a lighter note i feel i am mature! thanks a lot for that morale boost..

I am so proud of u! that u stood up for the truth of which i am well aware..

As for why i started blogging? i thought(100% thinking completed), it was first to pour out my feelings and now to discoer the silly writer/poet(i don think so!) in me.. :)

But one thing lena, you write cos u love to. Not cos u are afraid of losing readers.. thats what i really appreciate in you..
after this i am thinking of taking some radical measures too..

Cheers sweetheart! Light up a bit.. :)
love,
akki

Vandita Thursday, February 21, 2008  

i think i blogrolled u and started readin u around the time of the open letter post...n i didnt have a fair idea as to what that was about...
it was only when u wrote the truth post abt someone makin a hate community on orkut when i realised that blogsville can get ugly sometimes.
honestly i've never really been in any of the above situations but if it comes to that, i trust myself to do the right thing! {hope so}
wonderfully treated delicate post...
Hugs Sweetie :)

hope Thursday, February 21, 2008  

hmmmm... i really donno what to say.. but i read it all.. and you have written it in good spirit.. thats what i felt..
keep rocking..

--xh-- Thursday, February 21, 2008  

me and mature? not at all... but not in this sense. if i go by your points, then yeah - ma kind of matured balogger.
rule one - never let blog fighst go into personal leavel.
Rule two - if you dont like a blogger/blog, just move on. dont even go ther eto take a sneak peak.
these are two rules i adhere to. and about commenst and blogrolling - i frankly dont know who all have blogrolled me; so i wouldnt ahve any idea if any one remove me. And as for comments - visitors r free to leave commensts, but commenst r not mandetory. I dont keep track of ip or number of ppl who visit my blog - i blog coz i love to blog. visitors and commenst r fringe benefits :-D i may soudn pretty arrogent, but that is teh truth. and coz of that, i am a happy blogger :-D

Lena Thursday, February 21, 2008  

lol Nick, i am sure if someone had anything against your blogging habite they would experience the fate of your neighbours :D LOL

Lena Thursday, February 21, 2008  

Sami, dear, you are right, there is a limit. And i would prefer such people just leave us in peace and be happy but then not at my expense

Love you sweetie :)

Lena Thursday, February 21, 2008  

akki, dear, you sure thinking 100% complete? :D
We write because we love to and it is more sad that some people think they have got a right to ridicule us by doing all kind of crap they are doing.

Anyways, thank you for your support, sweets!

Love you :)

Lena Thursday, February 21, 2008  

you are right, Vands, blogger like any other place can become ugly but then it always depends on us only what we make it like.

I wish you never would have to deal with things like that being a sweetheart you are :)

Hugs back :) :)

Lena Thursday, February 21, 2008  

thank you, hope :) :)

it was indeed written in a good spirit, and was never meant to hurt anyone :)

Lena Thursday, February 21, 2008  

Wow, Anoop, that was a long comment!

@ Rule 1 - thing is that these are not blogger fights but the fights that happened between bloggers on a personal level - you cant help it - so this rule can not be applied to the situation

@ Rule 2 - 100% right, if you dont like someone or his/her blog dont go there. And ignore when they write crap about you, and dont pay attention when they tell people what a bastard you are and better close your blog for anyone but your friends so that this person would never visit yours!! :) :) :)

lolzz when i removed someone from my blogroll i got the message 5 mins after from them asking why i did this :D Even i wondered did they control each and everyone who puts links to their blog :D


And it is great you belong to people who blog for the sake of blogging and not for clearing out some personal issues.

arrogant? well it indeed was but like you said blogs are a free world with a freedom of speech and what matters is that you are a happy blogger.

Though i believe that everyone should take into account different points of views while commenting on someone's posts.

Because it might happen that you comment on someone's post with "ignore the bastard, feel happy" and then go to this 'bastard' blog without knowing it and say the same about the first one.

Cheers to anonymous world of blogging!

Solitaire Thursday, February 21, 2008  

You know I think that blogosphere has its own charms and that it can be a good outlet to write blogs. It can also be a good boost to the morale when people come appreciate your work and compliment you on your thoughts. However, I also think that we (our generation) has become too virtual. We live, sleep, eat, laugh, smile, everything on the computer. Is that good for us? And then we begin treating the virtual world as the real world. I often get discouraged by the remarks that others make but then I believe that I should spend more time and energy preserving my real friendships rather being bogged down by virtual fights. Let's not waste time talking about the bad things that happen on blogosphere. It is just one part of the real world that we are living in.

Impressionist Thursday, February 21, 2008  

Well, I LOVE THIS POST!
love the way u have put it up!

I have faced these problems too!
I hate such people! good that u wrote a post about it

-I

Lena Thursday, February 21, 2008  

Sneha, dear, this post has more to do with a maturity level which bloggers as responsible people should show. It is not about some remarks but about extremely unacceptable ways of someone treating other people.

And there are bad things that should be discussed in open so that we all would know what is appropriate and what not. No matter how real or virtual the world is.

Lena Thursday, February 21, 2008  

thanks Rajeev, glad you liked the post.
especially because you know from own experience what i am talking about.

rayshma Thursday, February 21, 2008  

:)
this reminded me of something, and though i don't know u... i thought of telling u the story:
i used to read this one blogger's space regularly. once i had loads of time, and clicked on one of her blog-rolled links and liked what i read. gradually, i became a regular there as well. blogger A, actually mailed me saying she did not like the fact that i was becoming friends with blogger B whom i had discovered via her blog! WOW!! :D

but yeah, it's a weird world... a mix of both - mature & immature. we just have to figure out for ourselves, i guess!

Anna Thursday, February 21, 2008  

Hi Lena, I don't know how you do it, you have assembled this post very well. As I mature, I learn what worked for me, if someone is attacking me I step back and it may take a while sometimes for the to stop picking on you, but they will. This method always worked with me, the scary part is I don't know and I really don't know how to attack people back, lol. May be I am just one big chicken, lol. But then why put more wood to fire if it is not necessary - I really have better things to do.
I absolutely impressed with all the venues you explored pertaining on how to deal with bloggers, lol. Very creative mind, thanks for sharing, Anna :)

Lena Friday, February 22, 2008  

its a weird world rayshma, but i guess almost the same as the real world out there.

It is getting weirder because someone thinks this one is a hate post. I wonder since when we all get involved into war only because someone has written the truth.

And you are right we have to figure it out for yourself always.

Lets hope it will be back to normal soon :)

Thanks for coming by and sharing your experience :)

Lena Friday, February 22, 2008  

Hi Anna!
I am glad that as a mature person you havent noticed a sign of hate in my post.
Thing is that when we started ignoring the person and stepped back it didnt work out. During many weeks and now already months she came back to the point every now and then.

Some people are just not smart enough to realise that they are unwanted at some places.

Thanks for your insight,
take care :)

Noushy Syah Friday, February 22, 2008  

Hi Lena..

Thanks for dropping by and leaving a generous comment in my blog,appreciate it.

I'm sure a mature person would write such delicate issue the way you just wrote.Whatever it is I think you write it wisely.

Don't mind if I add you in my link? Thanks again Lena,cu around and have a gr8 w/end.Take care.

Ravisekharan Saturday, February 23, 2008  

Lena,
I actually thought of writing this in mine. But,
U've done it. I don think, i can, hereafter, express it better than u. Way to go!!

Long one but, but worth a read. Well brought out. Tc.

- Cheers,
Ravi.

Sophiagurl Saturday, February 23, 2008  

Oh dear, I have another friend who had the same experience. This is very sad =(

I am really happy with the way you stood up to what you believe is right. I hope you will have a peaceful day. God bless you!

Anna Sunday, February 24, 2008  

Lena at the beginning we all have the urge to hate, and explode and fight back, it is human nature. I am the same, but I learn one thing, to step back, think about and see if it is worth attacking back. Lena I think your maturity is beyond mine, just to read your posts you always amaze me, thanks for the response, Anna :) PS you are right, they just keep trying, I think it is all to do with tunnel vision, lol, should tell them look around and smell the flowers - no body cares, lol. Thanks again.

Absolute Vanilla (& Atyllah) Sunday, February 24, 2008  

Blogosphere can sometimes become a very unpleasant place, but inasmuch as it reflects real life, I suppose, sadly, that's to be expected.
I think one of the major problems (and differences) with blogosphere is that given we are only reading words we lose all the other subtleties of communication - voice inflections, body language, eye contact etc - all of this means that communication via blogs and email for that matter can often result in painful and often unintended exchanges.
But it doesn't sound like that's what you're describing here and I think in the case of encountering someone who is genuinely abusive - and I've seen it happen on blogosphere - the best thing is to simply walk away - much as one would do in real life, accepting that the other person has issues and must be carrying their own pain in order for them to lash out in the way they do.
You know your truth - that is what is important.
Namaste.

zahid Sunday, February 24, 2008  

Lenu Janu.... This topic is back again on the blogger...I feel sad ....Actually once i said someone that you wont hear as much of this nonsenseon blogger as orkut and other stuff...but i am proved wrong !!!

:) Cheers !!!

Lena Sunday, February 24, 2008  

Thank you, Noushy, i really tried to be delicate in this post though of course sometimes emotions disturbed me.

Thanks for adding me to your blogroll, i did the same, would love to read more of you :)

Lena Sunday, February 24, 2008  

@ ravi:
thank you :)
hope that whatever experience you had with blogger you are over it :)
Glad you appreciated the post :)

Take good care

Lena Sunday, February 24, 2008  

@ sophiagurl:
i guess i do the other friend you are talking about. And iа ш do then it is a part of the same story.

Thank you for your support. lets hope we are over it now :)

Lena Sunday, February 24, 2008  

Anna, you are absolutely right.
And i believe it is left behind now. I am getting wiser day by day. Why do we care about people who proved themselves unworthy our appreciation.

Lena Sunday, February 24, 2008  

right, Nicky, thats how it is. Blogosphere is the mirror of real world with all positive and negative aspects and we should treat them the way we would have done if it happened in real life.

and yes, the best way is always to ignore. Thats what i am going to do :)
The truth is always within and those who care will find it out. Rest i dont care :)

Lena Sunday, February 24, 2008  

i hope zahid, it is the last time i bring this topic on my own blog. Lets believe for the best :)
And stay happy!! :) :) :)

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