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happiness

So here i am again - happy as ever :)

And found out people keep visiting the blog even if this lazy silly girl isnt about to update ... HUH!! i know i have been lazy lately but have had tough time, now getting back to normal life!
Of course if you can call deadlines "NORMAL LIFE" :P But happily enough managed to meet all the deadlines i had to and can go on leave for 5 (!) - yes, really - 5!!! weeks!! Amazing, right? ;)
hope i get time to update blog more frequently, but for the first time in my last 3 years (thats for how long i used blogging) i dont want to share anything bad, though i have had a lot lately.. May be i am just growing up... FINALLY!! :P may be i learned to deal with it on my own .. or may be (and most probably) i finally have people arouund me who really care and show support not with only words but with their actions too :)

Life is an awesome thing, you never can know what would be better for you... sometimes when something bad happens you think it is the end of the world, and you won't survive but during the time it turns out that this bad event was only the engine for making better things happen... you cant see the light without shadows..it is all up to how you react to these shadows :) whether you let them suck you or whether you keep ignoring them smiling and making people around you happy, because they know that you are able to deal with whatever comes your way ...
We are as happy as we made our minds up to be... if you want to be happy you better be it... as it is not the question of coincidence or destiny.. HAPPINESS is the question of CHOICE.. once again i realised it and once again i am happy.

Happiness is just around the corner, but dont look around someone else's corner..... yours is the closest one... keep it close to yourself, feel good, feel happy!! :)

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Thought of the Day

TOD: sometimes when one person is missing the whole world seems to be depopulated...
but what is the world when more than one person is missing?? thats like a hell...

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thats me again, not blogging for quite a while already, really sorry about this...life has become crazy, am impossibly caught up with things and problems. Not that there are something serious, just quite a lot to deal with recently and things which i have to deal alone which doesnt make it any easier.
I mean it would be great to be able to share all this with friends but dont want to bother them with all this stuff and the only one person i would dare to bother is not available for quite some time already. Hope to get him back soon as it is really getting tooooooo long... nevermind this silly talk of mind, just i guess i am too tired and overexhausted working without any weekends.
The only good thing about it that i am going on leave soon and will get time to fix some personal problems too and time to sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep which i almost dont have these days :))
i guess thats the problem for all of us... whomever i ask what are the plans for the weekend people reply - SLEEP!! hehe...thats becoming way too predicatble ;)
Ohh.. thought to mention that my idea of indian geography is getting better since everyone i know is moving around it... so now i know way too many cities :D
i guess thats time to finish up for today since i am dead tired, workload is too much and i even dont have time to make small breaks for tea or just to call home to talk with my niece on phone (which is sooooooooooooo cute..... i mean talking to her :P) .. so going to take some rest now and promise to be back soon :)

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frustrated

Cant believe i havent written anything since the 22th of May, really extremely unusual for me who used to update the blog frequently. But i even didnt feel the need in that, though had lots of time.
Finally felt i want to write now, mainly because i thought if i write things down i will feel better but now i dont think thats a good idea.. I mean not the idea of writing but the idea that it might help, thats much unlikely i guess. Still will continue writing as i already started.
Have you ever thought why all the bad things happen at once? Just everything is good, but then something bad happens and then it is more and more and more like snowfall.. They fall and fall on you.... Not real problems, nothing like that, just things that on other days wouldnt even bother you - like a cell left home or traffic jams or the colleague who thinks you have little work to do and keeps on telling this to your boss - but altogether in one week they just drive you crazy.
I surely understand that thats are things which i shouldnt worry about and i honestly am saying I DONT WORRY - not at all, they just keep me feeling bad as if nothing is ok, as if everything goes the wrong way and it really makes me mad and sad and depressed, you also can say frustrated and i hate being like that but cant help.
Want to cry all the time, may be it even would be better to cry for a while, hmm....thats an idea, may be i should try this and then start feeling better. Lets see :)

Anyways, i already lost the wish to write anything else, may be will do it later, but am not sure about this, as not sure about anything at all ...

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No work!!!

Thats soooooo much weird to sit in the office and have no work... NO WORK at all... Absolutely NOOOOO work!!! And no Boss - feels really astonishing, and i have no idea what to do, i even dont feel like chatting to anyone except few people who OF COURSE (why dont i wonder :P ) are NOT online!!

The good thing about boss being not here around is that i can go out and buy food in the supermarket. The bad thing about it is that i am eating all the time .. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!

Anyways thought about writing something here and into my russian blog as well .. because if i update here (not frequently, I admit!) but there i dont update at all :D And do you know why?? - you will never know!!! - it is because i find it tough writing in Russian :( .. it gives me so much troubles nowadays! But i struggle hard and seem to win in the unfair fight with my native language - no way i will forget how to use it :D

And i also dont know what to write - so i will go and promise to come back in a while.. Most probably my thought process will be more active at that time ;)

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Some words of wisdom

How do you decide who to marry?
Answers by children

1. You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming. Alan,aged 10
2. No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before,and you get to find out later who you're stuck with. Kirsten, age 10

What is the right age to get married

1. Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then. Camille, age 10
2. No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to ge married. Freddie, age 6

How can a stranger tell if two people are married?

1. You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids. Derrick, age 8

What do you think your mom and dad have in common?

1. Both don't want any more kids. Lori, age 8

What do most people do on a date?

1. Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough. Lynnette, age 8
2. On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date. Martin, age 10

What would you do on a first date that was turning sour?

1. I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns. Craig, age 9

When is it okay to kiss someone?

1. When they're rich. Pam, age 7
2. The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that. Curt, age 7
3. The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do. Howard, age 8

Is it better to be single or married?

1. I don't know which is better, but I'll tell you one thing; I'm never going to have sex with my wife. I don't want to be all grossed out. Theodore, age 8
2. It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them. Anita, age 9

How would the world be different if people didn't get married?

1. There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there. Kelvin, age 8

How would you make a marriage work?

1. Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a truck.

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A Simple Story of True Love and True Care

I was born in a secluded village on a mountain.
Day by day, my parents plowed the yellow dry soil with their backs towards the sky.

I have a brother who is 3 years younger than me.
I wanted to buy a handkerchief, which all girls around me seemed to have.
So, one day I stole 50 cents from my father's drawer.
Father had discovered about the stolen money right away.
He made me and my younger brother, kneel against the wall as he held a bamboo stick in his hand.
"Who stole the money?" he asked. I was stunned, too afraid to talk.
Neither of us admitted to the fault, so he said, "Fine, if nobody wants to admit, you two should be beaten!"
He lifted up the bamboo stick.
Suddenly, my younger brother gripped father's hand and said," Dad, I was the one who did it!"
The long stick smacked my brother's back repeatedly.
Father was so angry that he kept on whipping my brother until he lost his breath.
After that, he sat down on our stone bed and scolded my brother, "You have learned to steal from your own house now.
What other embarrassing things will you be possibly doing in the future? You should be beaten to death, you shameless thief!"
That night, my mother and I hugged my brother.
His body was full of wounds from the beating but he never shed a single tear.

In the middle of the night, all of sudden, I cried out loudly.
My brother covered my mouth with his little hand and said, "Sis, now don't cry anymore. Everything has happened."
I still hate myself for not having enough courage to admit what I did.

Years gone by, but the incident still seemed like it just happened yesterday.
I will never forget my brother's expression when he protected me.

That year, my brother was 8 years old and I was 11 years old.

When my brother was in his last year of secondary school, he was accepted in an upper secondary school in the central.
At the same time, I was accepted into a university in the province.
That night, father squatted in the yard, smoking, packet by packet.
I could hear him ask my mother, "Both of our children, they have good results? very good results?"
Mother wiped off her tears and sighed," What is the use? How can we possibly finance both of them?"
At that time, my brother walked out, he stood in front of father and said, "Dad, I don't want to continue my study anymore, I have read enough books."

Father swung his hand and slapped my brother on his face. "Why do you have a spirit so damn weak?
Even if it means I have to beg for money on the streets, I will send you two to school until you have both finished your study!"
And then, he started to knock on every house in the village to borrow money.

I stuck out my hand as gently as I can to my brother's swollen face, and told him, "A boy has to continue his study; if not he will not be able to overcome this poverty we are experiencing."

I, on the other hand, had decided not to further my study at the university.
Nobody knew that on the next day, before dawn, my brother left the house with a few pieces of worn-out clothes and a few dry beans. He sneaked to my side of the bed and left a note on my pillow; "Sis, getting into a university is not easy. I will go find a job and I will send money to you."
I held the note while sitting on my bed, and cried until I lost my voice.

That year, my brother was 17 years old; I was 20 years old.

With the money father borrowed from the whole village, and the money my brother earned from carrying cement on his back at a construction site, finally, I managed to get to the third year of my study in the university.

One day, while I was studying in my room, my roommate came in and told me, "There's a villager waiting for you outside!"
Why would there be a villager looking for me? I walked out, and I saw my brother from afar. His whole body was covered with dirt, dust, cement and sand. I asked him, "Why did you not tell my roommate that you are my brother?"
He replied with a smile," Look at my appearance. What will they think if they would know that I am your brother? Won't they laugh at you?" I felt so touched, and tears filled my eyes. I swept away dirt and dust from my brother's body. And told him with a lump in my throat, "I don't care what people would say! You are my brother no matter what your appearance is?"

From his pocket, he took out a butterfly hair clip. He put it on my hair and said, "I saw all the girls in town are wearing it. So, I think you should also have one." I could not hold back myself anymore. I pulled my brother into my arms and cried.

That year, my brother was 20 years old; I was 23 years old.

I noticed that the broken window was repaired the first time I brought my boyfriend home. The house was scrubbed cleaned. After my boyfriend left, I danced like a little girl in front of my mother, "Mom, you didn't have to spend so much time cleaning the house!" But she told me with a smile," It was your brother who went home early to clean the house. Didn't you see the wound on his hand? He hurt his hand while he was replacing the window." I went into my brother's bedroom. Looking at his thin face, I felt like there are hundreds of needle pricked in my heart.

I applied some ointment on his wound and put a bandage on it, "Does it hurt? "I asked him. "No, it doesn't hurt. You know, when at the construction site, stones keep falling on my feet. Even that could not stop me from working." In the middle of the sentence, he stopped. I turned my back on him and tears rolled down my face.

That year, my brother was 23 years old; I was 26 years old.

After I got married, I lived in the city. Many times my husband invited my parents to come and live with us, but they didn't want. They said, once they left the village they wouldn't know what to do. My brother agreed with them. He said, "Sis, you just take care of your parents-in-law. I will take care of mom and dad here."

My husband became the director of his factory. We asked my brother to accept the offer of being the manager in the maintenance department. But my brother rejected the offer. He insisted on working as a repairman instead for a start.
One day, my brother was on the top of a ladder repairing a cable, when he got electrocuted, and was sent to the hospital.
My husband and I visited him at the hospital. Looking at the white gypsum on his leg, I grumbled, "Why did you reject the offer of being a manager? Managers won't do something dangerous like that. Now look at you, you are suffering a serious injury. Why didn't you just listen to us?"

With a serious expression on his face, he defended his decision, "Think of brother-in-law. He just became the director, and I being uneducated, and would become a manager, what kind of rumors would fly around?"
My husband's eyes filled up with tears, and then I said, "But you lack in education only because of me!"
"Why do you talk about the past?" he said and then he held my hand.

That year, he was 26 years old and I was 29 years old.

My brother was 30 years old when he married a farmer girl from the village.
During the wedding reception, the master of ceremonies asked him, "Who is the one person you respect and love the most?"
Without even taking a time to think, he answered," My sister." He continued by telling a story I could not even remember.

"When I was in primary school, the school was in a different village. Everyday, my sister and I would walk for 2 hours to school and back home. One day, I lost the other pair of my gloves. My sister gave me one of hers. She wore only one glove and she had to walk far. When we got home, her hands were trembling because of the cold weather that she could not even hold her chopsticks. From that day on, I swore that as long as I live, I would take care of my sister and will always be good to her." Applause filled up the room.
All guests turned their attention to me. I found it hard to speak, "In my whole life, the one I would like to thank most is my brother," And in this happy occasion in front of the crowd, tears were rolling down my face again.

Love and care for the one you love every single days of your life.

You may think what you did is just a small deed, but to that someone, it may mean a lot.

Have a nice day ! May this story inspire you in any way! :)

PS: thank you for Karen who sent me this story :)

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still here... still working.. still thinking...

Just thought about updating - havent done this for ages! Life is going in a crazy rhythm, it is even flying and when i come home after office (OMG - i really do come home from the office :D - which means life isnt that bad ;)) .. so when i come back home i hardly have any wish to type anything additionally to IM's.

Besides last week i even had to take work home and forgot anything about chatting at all - thats hard to manage both these things. But i am happy now, this project is about to be finished and i am verrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrry proud of myself. After all if i dont have anyone to be proud of me, I will be proud of myself alone :P

Then... a silly question - do you know anyone who can catch cold when it is +32 out there??? NO?? - Thats not true!!! Now you know - i managed to catch cold when it is summer there! One should be pretty much skilled to repeat this after me. Believe me, thats not easy.. Even i wont be able to do the same one again, so you better dont go the same way - the consequences arent exactly pleasant.

Now about next week... Got 4 days off!! Isnt it hilarious?? I think it is!!! :)
Will visit friends finally and the colleagues from my first job - so life wont be exactly boring next week - and not so exhausting fo sure :)

Anyways, it was just a boring update, will be right back with some new stuff :)

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