First of all, sorry to all of you who kept on checking for updates on this blog and didnt find anything. Neither have i read any of the blogs lately except of those who asked about my opinion on some post or very close friends. I know you will understand :) I also didnt feel this passion and wish to write. Neither a blog, nor stories. The latest thing i have written was this poem. Not that it is good. I never have been good with poetry, feeling more comfortable to write stories. And well I have written a story for Sami's contest which is going on here. Those who have forgotten to participate still have their chance :)
But today i feel this wish to write about someone whose friendship i cherish and almost lost in the last couple of days.
This guy scrapped me over a year ago, few days before my birthday back in 2007. Orkut didnt have that much privacy at that time and everyone could scrap anyone without this "you are not allowed to write in this scrapbook".
I had that pic as display picture (might be some different pic though but i remember this one) and the first words i have ever heard/read from that guy were "Is the cat sleeping or not?"
I replied. And we started talking. Every day. First about some philosophical matters. He could and still can very easily change every matter into philosophical discussion which is never boring. Then we talked about music. I am not that big a fan. I have few songs in my collections that i really like but he made my collection grow big by advising really good stuff. Thanks to him i opened "Hinder" for myself and since that there is no day without me listening to their songs.
I remember one of conversations we had. And they all were in Orkut because i refused to add him on yahoo or gtalk (i had that dumb rule not to add strangers before i know them and when he first asked i refused and then he never asked again). So now i remember one which lasted for a couple of hours and consisted only of quotes from songs. The whole conversation. Two hours. And only songs' lyrics. Of course i cheated and used google. I know he didnt.
Days, weeks, months. We grew closer, talked about things that i didnt discuss with anyone else. Meanwhile he was done with his studies and moved to Chennai from Mumbai joining some company. Of course we already added each other on all messengers but still we mostly used orkut for communication since it added a lot to its privacy. More than half of my scraps are from him I believe. And all the special numbers like 11111, 22222, 10000 and many more like 25425 were written by him. There is a lot of fun in hunting for them, and i remember how many times i cheated just to get some of them written by deleting the oldest ones. It might sound childish but thats how it goes and i like it.
Orkut has become a main medium also because he cant use any messengers in the office but found a way around blocked orkut. And every single day except weekends i spent chatting with him about each and everything starting from weather and ending with some serious discussions about private matters. He knows me better than i know myself and can predict me in everything. He knows what i will say, what i will do, how i will react. Sometimes it is scary. Mostly it feels good.
Thanks to him i met some really good people. Even meeting Sami has to do with him too, righ, dear? :)
Of course, it all was not that good all the time. With him i fight more than with anyone else. About silly matters, about serious ones. About life, about me, about him. Sometimes i feel over-possessive about him, because he is just too good to share with anyone else. (Dont take it wrong, please)
He was and still is my strength. If everything falls apart i know where to go and whom to ask for emotional support. He might be harsh with me but he is always right and it always helps.
I hurt him. He hurt me. It happened every now and then like in every relationship but we always came back to each other because thats the way it should be. I was the very first person he ever wrote a testimonial in Orkut. And i cherish these words till now because they were straight from the heart and really mean a lot to me:
He has taught me a lot of lessons in life, seems like he knows about it more than me. He explained it to me in another testimonial. And even though it might not make much sense to anyone else it made a lot of sense for me:
Testimonial of experience:-
Forget what ya dont ve
Forget that ya dont
Just Forget It
Forget that you're afraid
Forget that u r
Forget that u r alone
Think about It
Its alright, I know tht it aint easy, But thats life
We're all in thr dark looking for the light
So dont ya worry....
Forget tht U cant Love
Forget tht U cant
Just forget it
Forget the reasons why
Forget the reasons
Can you do that
Forget that u r lost
Everyone gets lost in the Journey
Stop Take a look around you
Just stop maybe it'd be better'
If ya calm down
This is ma lesson of life, i never explained anyone...took a lot of time ta put it in words...
And you wont look at the world the same anymore..
He is very talented. Not only in the poems he writes or in painting (where he really is a genius) but more in the art of friendship. He is and has been always a great friend, the kind everyone should have. The only thing i regret is that i still have not met him. And in the last couple of days i almost lost him, we have told lots of words to each other. I was more harsh than i usually am, but then i was hurt more than i usually am. And he refused talking to me which i accepted and we didnt talk to each other. Or rather he didnt talk and i tried to made him notice me. he kept on ignoring and it hurt more than anything else in the world. Imagine the broken heart because of someone who left you because they dont love you anymore. Now multiply it by 10 and you will get a broken heart of someone who is being ignored by the closest friend who (as they know) is feeling the same pain as you are. It is like having pain for both, you and the other person.
I have this ego problem. Thought if he does not want to talk i will not talk either. I have all the rights, dont i? But i just could not bear it anymore and tried my best to ignore my own pain and to concentrate on his. Forget my troubles and heal his own. After all he is one of the best person i have ever come across and he deserves better :) Not sure i succeeded. I tried my best though. Will try again because if not for friendship then to fight what for?
Once i have read somewhere "Everyone hears what you say. Friends listen to what you say. Best friends listen to what you don't say". He knows what i dont say and he does not need to say anything because i know what he does not say. But today i felt like saying all this. Maybe also because i know blogger.com is banned in his office too and he will never get to read this :)
**UPDATE: Please dont tell me to break the silence, guys, it is all fine now :)