Thursday, April 17, 2008

The Way I Am

I don't know it's just the way I am

Nothing in life is permanent. Not the happiness we enjoy, not the depressions we suffer. Every moment is not like any other one and yet they are all very similar. Just like my Eminem-phases. My whole life since i got my first mp3-player many years ago is surrounded by music which reflects my moods, my troubles, my desires, my everything. But even then it can be divided into 2 big parts. Just music (my favourite play list) and my Eminem-phase.

And if you think this phase is a dark one, then you are mistaken. I can not explain it and never could but whenever i have had hard times and tough situations landing up in some gloomy state of mind and depressions, whenever things went wrong and i lost myself and was in constant searches i was always looking forward to these Eminem-phases because they meant i am back on the way to myself, that i am on the right track and things will be better and better day by day.

I dont know from where does it come, but it started like 5-6 years ago when i lived in Germany. Be it homesickness or the fact that Eminem was with concert in the city i lived (i didnt get into though, had to work on that day *sigh*) but it started at those times and since that i have gone through such phases like 3-4 times only. Which is really good, means i didnt lose myself very often in the past few years :)

Yesterday i felt this need for listening to Eminem again which was really a desire one can not confuse for something else. I started looking for my old cds, took me really some time as i have not held them in the hands for at least one year. But it kept me smiling all the way because i knew it only brings me closer to the moment when i become myself again.

One can never understand that Eminem-phase is a light one, and i wouldnt blame anyone for not understanding it because even i myself dont get it how such music full of aggression, sarcasm, rudeness can eventually lead to something good. But it does and i do not give it a second thought because i really dont care about it, i only know that it makes me feel better and i like it.

And i know that is the way i am and i am happy about it. Because life comes back to me with all the colours and sounds. And i am thankful to having such phases in my life that make me believe that I am stronger than i feel, wiser than i seem and braver than i believe. I am Me. And thats the way it should be :)


PPS: check Akki's story below. It is worth it, I promise :)

11 added colors:

Farah Deen Thursday, April 17, 2008  

Lena,
yes, life is not permanent and so are the feelings life gave is. It's always like a roller coaster ride, unless you are extremely lucky, you might not face sorrow and sadness (really? though I've never seen anyone not seeing these). however, God is great, life is balanced too, sadness and happiness do come and cross our paths at one point or another.

are you a big fan of eminem? looks like you sure are?!:)

Pavi!!!! Thursday, April 17, 2008  

True Lena...Nothing is permanent in life..not the happyness , not the sadness!

Glad ur entering the eminem phase.

n yeah..we all hv our own ways of knowing whn we feel better, whn we feel worse etc...for Eg : Whm i'm happy abt sumting, my hair will never be tied up! How weird is that ;-)

Myviews Thursday, April 17, 2008  

Lena,
Yes,It is True. Nothing is permanent in life. Life has its own shadows black in the night,Brightness in the day...It is a continual challenge.. Just take life as it comes and enjoy every bit of it…Have a nice day:)

preetha Saturday, April 19, 2008  

Hi lena
I can relate a lot with your post. Often go through the same circumstance...but good thing is often bounce back to cheery self with the same vigour each time you sink to those gloomy states..
:)
nice post!!

~preetha!

Lena Monday, April 21, 2008  

farah, me not a big fan, maybe not even a fan :P But his music helps me through on my way to recovery when i feel low :)

Lena Monday, April 21, 2008  

Pavi, you are absolutely right, thats how things work, we a;; have our ways to cope with situations and our signals that it has become better or worse for us :)

Lena Monday, April 21, 2008  

@ myviews: thank you for this comment, it really made me realize that life is too short to make ourselves worried about its imperfectness

Lena Monday, April 21, 2008  

Preetha, dear, thats exactly how it is and i am glad we always find this way back to ourselves :)

*~*Sameera*~* Tuesday, April 22, 2008  

You are wonderful the way you are Darling!Be the same angel always.Love you loads.Hugsss :)

umakumar Friday, April 25, 2008  

i like the look of ur blog
and the sentiments too

Vandita Sunday, April 27, 2008  

hmm eminem-phase sounds interesting...
glad it leads to u feelin good abt being YOU :)
take care dear!

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