WHY?

i cant say i hate life but whenever i think i start to understand it it makes something that makes me feel stupid...WHY? just tell me WHY? i know it is sooo stupid to ask WHY THEM? and not someone else???? and it is also very unfair on this someone else...nobody deserves it...nobody should go through it, especially not when someone that young, someone who has his whole life to live...but then it turns out they dont... how can it happen that someone dies when he is 24, isnt it too early? what is the age of death??? is there any? why do small children die? why do young adults die? WHY? i dont get it...
I lost my friend today... just got the news after i came home from work... one call and someone is dead...sooooooooo strange...only a minute ago you think of him as a someone you are going to see in a few days but then ...then there is nothing anymore...one call...one word...one life...so unfair..so early....so....untrue...i cant believe it even now, after some hours have gone ... dont really remember how i spent these hours..after crying out everything i had inside...only talks to strangers, people i dont know could distract me in a way... but only distract, they cant make forget, they cant give comfort and support..i even cant share this with them...
strange ..i am typing this and crying and i know that i will never ever hear his voice, laugh at his teasings, shout at him when he did something i asked him not to do...cry with him when another of his gf leaves him...just be with him..never...never..NEVER!!! seems the part of me has gone..like forever..it is unbearable, the pain is unbearable..life is unbearable..how could it happen??? WHY? questions in vain...they never will be answered, not for me, not for his family, not for the girl he was going to marry...

i guess i just cant say anything else now...it is too hard... too ....just too much for me...


PS: and where the hell have you been, love, all day long... needed you so much...